Maybe I should move over to another forum. I'm beginning to think this is more about depression or possibly infidelity than MLC.
MLC is about Depression. Have you seen my welcome post with all the resources or do you need me to post it for you?
I have seen MLC in men over 60, I would guess it could be somewhat common. Your life is slipping away and you want to finish living it before it is over.
Again let me know if you need my post with all the links.
Thank you Cadet. If you could post the links, I would appreciate it. I have read many of your posts to others but can't seem to find the ones that you're talking about.
I will stay here for the time being and hope that this is NOT MLC but I suspect after reading the "symptoms" that it is. He definitely has issues from childhood that he has stuffed. He rarely wants to visit his parents and has many not so kind things to say about them.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
He has always been very level headed but as I mentioned he has decided that this is "his time" and I believe he feels his mortality which is very atypical behavior for him. How to state my disapproval and outrage over this where I am at a loss. My tendency to want to direct my anger at him in a way that will piss him off. I feel that keeping the communication going is what I should do and a way to find out where he is mentally. Do I make this about me, my feelings, what it's doing to me. Do I ask him WHY he is doing this, what he hopes to gain etc.? Probably not. LOL
This is overwhelming and I just don't know how to go about it. I know what I want the end result to be but am afraid that I will say or do the wrong thing. Setting the boundaries seems to be the first step. "I will not tolerate you going to visit her again"? Probably not. Since he is still talking to me is it still okay to discuss it? Again, I want to try to temper my anger.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
IMHO, don't just dress or act nicely. Dress to kill as if you want men to look and admire you (which they should be doing). Confidence goes a long way.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
b..I did read the article. Very, very interesting with lots of information. It gives me a better idea for sure. I'm not sure which category he fits into yet but as time passes and if he continues down this path, I will recognize the behavior.
I am trying to prepare myself for that Speech and the behavoior that follows. I know I won't get it right and I know that my anger and frustration will get the best of me but I want to do and say the right things. From what I've read I know that what I say and do won't make any difference to him. I know that I will be the blame and that it will be my fault no matter how good our marriage has been.
I have been on several sprees since he has been gone. It's helped me pass the time. I've already chosen the outfit that I will wear and if it doesn't catch his attention then nothing will! I've also made plans to meet some friends of ours for a long weekend at a resort not far from here. I won't tell him until a few days before.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy book by MWD, Divorce Busting is also an excellent book.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read. This is my ultra brand new and improved list of link
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
The stages of MLC as rewritten by HB from Jim Conway are a template which can only be laid over an MLCer's experience retrospectively. It's impossible to see the pattern until it has finished being laid or the crisis is complete.(nickel Cyrena). So do not be too concerned where your MLC'er is in this process. (Although my general guess is that they are in REPLAY)
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what he says and 50% of what he does.
I would not ask him anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about him. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. Something to DO while you are on moderation. GAL. Eat, sleep and take a deep breath. In general take care of your self first. Detach the single most important thing to DO.
Your H has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely
MrB He has always been watchful of men looking at me. Not in a jealous way but in a way that makes him smile. He has always and still is very complimentary. We'll see if he still notices after his time away.
After 3 unanswered calls and ignoring several texts I finally answered the phone. He was very talkative and asked many more questions than usual. Mostly stuff about kids, things around the house etc. I ended the call telling him that I had to run.
As to the financial things. I am keeping a close watch on everything and have seen nothing out of the ordinary. Taking half or anywhere near half of what we have is virtually impossible. Most everything other than what we spend each month is locked up pretty tight. He would have as difficult a time getting to it as I would. I will continue to monitor even those funds for any activity.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
After 3 unanswered calls and ignoring several texts I finally answered the phone. He was very talkative and asked many more questions than usual. Mostly stuff about kids, things around the house etc. I ended the call telling him that I had to run.
Excellent! Don't be too available. Let him wonder who might be wooing you while he's out living his little fantasy with Miss Slutbag
Get a trendy new haircut, change the color, new makeup - whatever. Dress up in a sexy dress, new perfume. Pick him up at the airport, drop him off at the house, and say "Sorry, I can't stay - I'm meeting a friend. Who? Oh, you don't know them. See ya later" Then go out and don't come home until 2 a.m., even if you have to go read a book at Starbucks.
He's confused, but I would do anything it took to shake him out of the "gee, do I want my wife or OW?" dilemma and into the "Hey, wait, I don't want some other guy to start picking up on my WIFE!" mode. (Note that I absolutely am NOT suggesting you date. Just that you be mysterious enough about your activities that he has to consider that possibility).
And, anything that shakes up his notion of who you are ("What? My wife as a redhead??") is gonna make him stop and pay attention. Same old dependable wife? Not so intriguing.
I've already chosen the outfit that I will wear and if it doesn't catch his attention then nothing will! I've also made plans to meet some friends of ours for a long weekend at a resort not far from here. I won't tell him until a few days before.