A New Week... A New Opportunity...

[chatterbug]

Do I still remember good times? Absolutely. And yes, I definitely have moments where I relive those good times. But, thanks to Chatter, I'm starting to balance those out with "bad" memories... with thoughts of where those good times lead to... and that version of thought-stopping seems to help more than anything else I've tried thus far.

It is to balance the process out and begin to start looking at the actual relationship not the one you have built up in your mind. Close though

To do that takes exercise.

When people leave our lives we tend to skip over the negative traits and paint a holier than thou picture.

Why. Because do not really want to face the reality of the situation. It's far better to chase after a saint than to remain in limbo with someone who is selfish and crosses our personal boundaries. Makes decisions about our lives without our input.

When you get to this point. Your choices that you make are not based on fear or emotion.

Choosing to remain in limbo and chase after your cheating spouse is a rash decision based out of emotions, low self-esteem and fear.

I have never seen anyone disprove that point.

AT you have moved beyond most of this. Just keep working on that self-esteem ,personal growth and being honest with yourself.

Keep the clock ticking.

[chatterbug]

And keep working through your emotions. Do not feel shame for any of them. Acknowledge them and work through them.

[AlkalineThoughts]

Thanks Chatter... I'm not ashamed of any of my emotions... I'm not even ashamed when I go a little off the deep end and decide to post in super-whiney fashion on these boards once in a while.

Because these emotions help to balance out the situation. Sometimes you have to go through the muck to realize how great it is on the other side.

I learn something new every day, and I'm thankful for that. I can see that... or at least I can sense that I'm on the verge of something big in my life...

These replies to my posts are starting to make much more sense... There is less resistance to the ideas being thrown about... instead, I feel only an adaption of the ideas to my situation and personality...

I'm sure I'll keep you all updated... But I really do feel that the high-water mark might be close.

[albamarie]

Hi AT - It sure does take a long time before the replies make any sense, and when you reread them you realize truth in what people are saying.

I hope to get to the point your at soon. I have a little curtain of uncertainty I'm starting to peer from boy I'm just so scared to face everything right in front of me.

I will read your updates, curious how continue down your own road.

[AlkalineThoughts]

Thanks Dawn... You know... maybe I'm at the point that I'm at too soon... maybe I skipped a few steps in the DB process... but where I'm at today... for whatever reason... it feels right.

I can't write this enough: I love my W... and obviously I'm on these boards, writing just about every day (many times multiple times in a day) trying to figure out the right path to be on in order to be where I want to go...

And yes, obviously, I want a future with my W...

But slowly... ever so very slowly... I'm realizing my self-worth.

I'm starting to finally see that... well... you know what... I'm worth it...

I'm far from perfect... I'm overly emotional... I can get clingy... I express my love for my significant other as often as I can through MY love languages (which I realize now isn't necessarily the right way to do it) of words of affirmation and physical touch... I'm always willing to put myself second to my significant other's wants... And I know that's annoying to some people...

But as my IC put it... I'm not off-putting... W is just put off...

I take full responsibility for the contribution that I had in the demise of the relationship I had with W (I won't rehash it here, as I feel I've expressed it more than a few times... but I'll be willing to do it again if anyone wants to hear it) and I'm working my tail off to make sure that I don't fall into that trap again...

But in all honesty... I know that there are plenty of people in this world that are glad to count me as a friend... and there are plenty of people in this world that would do anything for me (as I would for them)...

And I hope... I absolutely hope... that my W can clear the fog from her life in time to realize that I'm worth the struggle...

But if she can't... Well it's not fair to me OR to her to keep holding on to a relationship that is now dead and buried.

Once again... And I don't know exactly why I feel the need to state this as often as I do (maybe I've had a few too many tonight... but I have the day off tomorrow! ) But I absolutely love my W, and I know that will never change...

I'm just trying to learn to love myself as much as I love her.

And I'm getting there...

Slowly...

But I'm getting there...

[roughenough]

Thinking about you AT. Your doing an awesome job working through this. This is very helpful for many of us. Foxtrot tango booya.

[albamarie]

That's it, all neat and simple - we love our spouses and though they have hurt us, here we are fighting for them. I will try not to forget myself though! H is told everyday that he has a good wife and I am!

You sound like a great person, keep up the hard work!

[labug]

You'll get there, the trick is to stop worrying about it. Just live your life day by day,focused on you, and one day you'll look up and there you are.

[chatterbug]

As bug says. One day you will wake up and lead your life. No more asking for advice on how to word an email. You will be confident in your actions. No more sweating the small stuff.

[Arsene]

You'll get there, the trick is to stop worrying about it. Just live your life day by day,focused on you, and one day you'll look up and there you are.

Geee! That sounds good right now!