best and worse thing to ever go through

[Grocerykartman]

My biggest fear now is in regards to my children. How will they come out of this? Are they going to hate us for this? Will they struggle in school and their relationships? I do know the more I detach from my w, the better I will be able to deal with those questions?

After various disappointments, eyes, I got to the point where these same questions became practically my only concern. And its ok to be afraid of the unknown here. I sure was.

How will they come out of this? You don't know. But even though you feel like you have no control or influence of things right now with your wife, you do have LOTS of influence as far as your kids are concerned. You're their dad and they love you, simply put. They'll feed off your positive energy and probably get upset if you bring negative energy and fear and resentment into thje situation. Do not despair! If the D happens, it will certainly not be easy for them but it can be made a million times easier if you always act gracefully and confidently. If you don't, they''l pick up on that just the same.

Are they going to hate us for this? Again, you don't know, but I think your kids a but young to truly think any kind of hateful thought. If they see you and our W acting dignified all the time, I don't think you have to worry. Shower them with love.

Plus, not to be captain obvious, you're not the first person to go tthrough this. Lots of kids turn out great, fine, or at least ok. You're a great person, so I think you have all the opportunity in the world to help them through this appropriately, whatever happens.

Will they struggle in school or relationships? You don't know. Maybe. This is really where you and your wife need to be adults about this should things ultimately not work out. It takes a LOT of pre-planning, as you're probably finding out.

You have to be willing to buy extra necessities if they've left their only appropriate pair of dress shoes over at the her place and today's picture day or the Christmas show. Did they leave their library book at mom's and now they won't be able to check out a new one tomorrow? If so, you need to go get it and make sure your always on top of what they need for school. Little things like that can make a big difference in their success. It will show them you are behind them and they cannot use your divorce as a means to slough off.

I have no idea what to say about their struggling with relationships. I wouldn't worry about that now, even though it crosses my mind every day. This will likely influence them heavily, but I think if you act gracefully and lovingly, you give them the best shot for relationship success too.

No guarantees anyway on relationship success. I wonder how many folks on here had parents that stayed together. Heck, my divorce was the first I'd ever seen in my family for that matter.

Wondering since those are my main fears to overcome, and they have to do with the kids, should I express those to my w? Is that something that may bring us closer together? Or do I deal with it on my own since she thinks they will be okay? One of her justifications for leaving is believing they will be all right. I do know that she sees my son have some difficulties with this.

If you express them and it does not bring you closer together, then what? My inclination is to tell you not to because it will just make you look scared. I think she would draw closer to you if you SHOW her that no matter what happens you will be strong for your kids. Perhaps others will contribute to this question, as I have some reservations about steering you on this one.