If it helps, here's a link to the book. You can get it online when you have time to read. I think you'll find it interesting, but there is more to your story than any one book can hold at the moment, I think.
http://books.google.com/books/about/The_5_Love_Languages.html?id=ZAibPekZIRoC

What happened to him that you think he is repeating the story of his past?

I think something that you have already realized should be reiterated - this really isn't about you, is it? Not saying you were or are perfect, but it sounds like this is not about you or the kids. If that's the case, I think you have a very good handle on how you are handling things and a great perspective.

I'm not sure I agree that he is not ready to hear what you have to say. You know better of course, but when the time is right I think you should send it to him as your IC suggested. I think you should write it now anyway. Writing it is more for you to get your thoughts out than it is to help him. For now.

Meanwhile, separate yourself from the outcome and take care of you and your kids. It's not easy, but with the right perspective it can be done and done well.

Hang in there smile

AJ

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."