help supper confused

[linz1822]

I have been married for four years in fact my husband told me he was in love with another woman from the office about one week after our anniversary.

We have been through so much in our seven years as a couple he has developed an anxiety disorder that we over came we both lost our jobs due to the recession and had to live with my parents as they went through a divorce. It has been rough but this year he finally got his dream job and we moved to NYC.

I was miserable there I will admit all of the moving around the last 4 years my parents divorce and not liking who I was anymore got to me. I did blame nick for a lot of my problems. I am in marketing and he is a attorney so it made sense to always move for opportunities for him but has left me unfulfilled.

When we got to New york he hurt his anke and ripped his calf muscle about one month in this made it impossible for us to do anything besides go eat or drink in new york cause he couldn't walk.

I think he began to think i didn't want to do anything when really it was the reverse. He started staying out super late drinking , not taking my phone calls , being really full of him self and not treating me very well at all.

About 7 months ago he hooked up with a girl from a bar and came home and told me about it. First I planned on leaving but with no job no money of my own we had gone through all of my savings why moving the last few years. Now he good money coming in but I am poor after doing everything for him. I feel like such a stereo type I can't stand it.

We agreed to go to counseling. Our couseler sucked I now know wish I had found theses books sooner. Wanted to talk about past all the time after 6 weeks we never even discussed what we would like to change to improve just child hood crap. Which honestly I had already dealt with a long time ago.

so we decided to quit. Then it seemed like we were back on track we were making love a lot again. going to concerts having fun out together and then he dropped the bomb on me. that he was in love with a girl from his office who reminds him of how i used to be.

I wanted to hit him is he kidding me i left my job to move for his law school my parents supported him during the recession I helped him get out of bed found the best counselors to get him better when he got anxiety. I haven't been able to find a job because we have been moving every 6 months for his career since he took a temporary job why waiting for a real one to come in. Of course I am not the happy confident woman he married. I have had a husband who is staying out all night partying and hanging up on me when i call. Not making an effort I now know why.

So I moved back to Illinois to be with my family. I know now I should have made him move but when you know better you do better at the time I wanted out of being around him . I was so hurt and felt discarded like trash. The she is like you used to be comment really hurt me. Probably more then cheating because I made a choice to change to make him better for while and he doesn't appreciate it at all. I can say 100% he would not be where he is at without me.

So now back in illinois after about a month of separation he called and told me he made a mistake he loves me still he wants us to have all of the things we dreamed about he wants to fly me out to visit in NYc.

I had a couple of job interviews coming up in new york so I told him we would do it in a couple of weeks. I planned and booked the trip and he started to back peddle.

maybe you should stay with your friends a few days.

I want to be in a relationship being single is hard but don't know if I want to be with you

I will never find someone more perfect for me then you are.

I don't want you to move back in right now.

I am confused.

I don't feel like it is over I have doubts but don't know.

etc , etc. examples of what I heard so we agreed I would stay with him 4 days and my friend for 3.

Well I just got back and here was our trip.

He saw me briefly on monday. we hung out ate pizza and chatted a little bit. we would get comfortable and then he would throw in something about the divorce negotiations. we are just separated but have already talked about how we are going to divide things right after he told me about the other girl.

He has said as far as she is concerned he doesn't have feeling for her anymore it was just a distraction from our problems. Which he never told me about he just complained to her about me. So I was sitting home for the first 6 months thinking we were this happy in love couple .

Tuesday I ran into him on the street when I was walking back to danielle' s he called and asked me to dinner but i was already going to the theater since i hadn't heard from him all day.

wednesday we went to a nice dinner but he kept getting up a leaving the table to smoke or to go to the bathroom. he told me his best friend said we shouldn't be seeing each other anymore that we were separated and should get divorced fast. Remind me to repay the favor when his wife comes to me again with there problems. He is also the one who told nick he had to ask for a divorce if he was confused because it wasn't fair to me if he was not 100%. Horrible advice!!!!

so it was a okay night but i still went back to my friends. Thursday he lied about working late I know because we share a bank account and I saw the debit from the bar. f

friday I didn't hear from himm

Sat at 3 he texted he was sick but i could come over and hang out if i want at first it was awkward but then we started to snuggle and watch tv. we ended up making love 3 times. and i spent the night finally it. was beautiful almost reminded me of the beginning. On sunday we made love again and then he said he had to do some work.

so i went out with danielle. when i came back he was so distant. he said he didn't want to confuse me. etc etc. kept trying to be distant wouldn't kiss me or hold me at all. sat like a lump during dinner looking bored why i sat there and danced like a monkey. it is like he acted like a was boring but he wasn't engaging me at all.

then we went home watched a movie and went to bed. the next day we kissed outside didn't talk about future at all he seemed distant but then said it would be great if i got the job in nyc and moved in with danielle. but also that if i got the job WE would have so much money.

I have been home a day and a half now and have not heard from him.

I don't know what to do next. Do I move on do i call I can't afford to keep paying my own way back and forth. I love him very much and feel like all of our problems were just communication and effort issues. but I don't know if he want to try. he told a mutual friend of ours that he still loves me I just don't get it. he wants to be in a relationship he wants to slow down partying now he misses me but he doesn't want to get back together? It doesn't make any sense.

HELP I am in another state how do I do this??????

Lindsey
me 32
husband 32
married 4 years
together 7