I read some of Pittman's book tonight and it wasn't as bad as I anticipated. There were some parts about the whole "in love" thing that made me a little queasy...but also read about affairs where the infidel is at a transition in his/her life and is at a crossroads with addiction or what-have-you. The infidel finds another addict to act as a partner in crime. The relationship may not be about sex, but rather keeping the addiction going--retreating from reality and all the people who will confront the addict on the addiction. The couple can retreat and live their crazy lifestyle. The sex may not even be very good, but after months of a friendship--there may be this feeling that sex is necessary to keep the relationship alive. If not, the infidel has to face reality and the fact he/she has a problem only he/she can fix.

This really fits for my situation. I'm thinking this may be the truth based on some things H has said. And, I have to admit, I feel better.

Pittman discusses how even romantic affairs aren't based on real love--and that infidels frequently find affair sex disappointing and will admit it's not as good as sex with a spouse. But, once entrenched and, especially, after the infidel alienates friends and family, the infidel may feel trapped--stuck. Can't go home because those bridges are burned and the addict will have to give up the lifestyle/drugs. Sounds fun doesn't it?

I'm fine once I see that no MLC, drugs or OW can soil our connection. What we had in the past still exists and no one and nothing can take that away. Regardless of what happens in the future, I feel better knowing I didn't imagine what we had. It wasn't as screwed up as H has been trying to convince everyone. We were blessed and he won't have that with anyone else but me, no matter how many drugs are involved.

Just wish I hadn't prolonged this nightmare with all my crazy begging, crying, sobbing, pleading, raging... for the past 8 months. But, I'm accepting those things I cannot change.

Night all--might even be able to sleep tonight,

Heather

"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson