If I were to tell her I support a separation, would it be better for me to leave( if she agreed to not hold abandonment against me in a divorce), or should I tell her I support a separation if she leaves, knowing she will take the kids). I believe that if she does leave, she will file for divorce at that time.
Don't tell her that you support S, just that you support HER. If she says she wants S, then tell her you understand and you support her decision. That's not the same as saying you want or support S. In Dobson's Love Must Be Tough he says it's like throwing the cage door open to the spouse that feels caged in. You're not kicking them out, just opening the cage door to show them you're not holding them against their will. But stepping out of the cage is a choice they must make on their own.
In general if the WAS wants S then it's best to tell them you're staying and that they need to leave because leaving creates hardships (getting a new place, moving stuff, getting bills set up, etc.) that the WAS should suffer through to help them understand that S is not all shiny rainbows, it can be a pain in the rear. Plus kids don't like being displaced, they want to stay at "home base". So this too puts the WAS at a disadvantage. But each sitch is different and sometimes there may be financial or other reasons that the LBS needs to move.
If I were to tell her I support a separation, would it be better for me to leave( if she agreed to not hold abandonment against me in a divorce), or should I tell her I support a separation if she leaves, knowing she will take the kids). I believe that if she does leave, she will file for divorce at that time.
I haven't had a chance to read your whole sitch. But I'd recommend consulting a lawyer regarding abandonment. A verbal agreement only holds so much weight.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
If I were to tell her I support a separation, would it be better for me to leave( if she agreed to not hold abandonment against me in a divorce), or should I tell her I support a separation if she leaves, knowing she will take the kids). I believe that if she does leave, she will file for divorce at that time.
Don't tell her that you support S, just that you support HER. If she says she wants S, then tell her you understand and you support her decision. That's not the same as saying you want or support S. In Dobson's Love Must Be Tough he says it's like throwing the cage door open to the spouse that feels caged in. You're not kicking them out, just opening the cage door to show them you're not holding them against their will. But stepping out of the cage is a choice they must make on their own.
In general if the WAS wants S then it's best to tell them you're staying and that they need to leave because leaving creates hardships (getting a new place, moving stuff, getting bills set up, etc.) that the WAS should suffer through to help them understand that S is not all shiny rainbows, it can be a pain in the rear. Plus kids don't like being displaced, they want to stay at "home base". So this too puts the WAS at a disadvantage. But each sitch is different and sometimes there may be financial or other reasons that the LBS needs to move.
AT, any ideas on a good script for this? Simply, "W, separation isn't what I want but I support you and your decision?"
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
Also, through all this he still calls/texts me several times each day with day to day stuff or funny stories - acting like everything is fine. Same with in person interaction most of the time.
Brokenhesrt71 Me 40 (for a few more weeks) H 41 M 18 years Ds 12 and 8 BD #1 12/09 R 2/10 ILYBINILWY Sept/12 He moved out Oct/12
Then you tell her that she is more than welcome to leave, but the children will be staying with you or be split between households. When was the last time she asked you to leave?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Last week in therapy she said she wanted a divorce.. Generally. When I don't give her her space, she says she wants a S.. She wrote her friend an email last week saying that she thought I was coming to terms with a divorce, but that I wasn't moving out. So she was planning on getting a place and moving out with the kids and then filing for D
Me:46 W:40 M:10 T:17 D:9 S:6 BD:12/11 ILYBINILWY:8/12 Served 2/13 I moved out 2/13 I moved back 6/13 W moved out 9/13
I've been holding onto hope that therapy will help us reconcile. I don't want a divorce, so i guess my plan is to just DB and ride it out as long as possible, hopeing that time and my changes will help her turn around. I realize divorce is a possibility, but I don't want to think about it until I get there. We've been living an in-house S now for around 2 months. She's not interested in talking about the R except in therapy. She says she doesn't love me and she feels completely detached from me. I've done the usual emotional behavior in the beginning, but now have begun to detach a little bit. I'm sad and lonely, a bit depressed by the sitch, but still holding onto hope that in time things might get better. I'am giving her space, and trying to be loving and kind to her, and not needy anymore.
Me:46 W:40 M:10 T:17 D:9 S:6 BD:12/11 ILYBINILWY:8/12 Served 2/13 I moved out 2/13 I moved back 6/13 W moved out 9/13
