best and worse thing to ever go through

[TD35]

It is hard to grasp that she would rather give up part of her children, rather than fight for our marriage.

It is hard to grasp, isn't it? I try not to dwell on this fact, but this thought does pass through and really makes me shake my head. It just proves to me that the fog is so thick.

[Grateful]

I know what you mean as well. My W would rather give up seeing our D's for three days a week rather than work on our M.

[someguy1233]

It's surprising to many of us. My W would rather go out and drink with friends every other night (or more).

[Grateful]

Yeah, I have a feeling that is why my W is willing to have me in the basement. She will have a built-in dogsitter and she knows I will be with the kids any night.

[eyesopen]

This is breaking my heart. W came over to go over some d details and to drop the kids off. When she went to leave my s cried like I have never heard him. We coud not settle him. I wasn't sure what to do, so for a bit I let my w try and take care of it. Like someone posted to me the other day, it isn't my job to punish, life will take care of that.

So we finally got him settled and I am trying to get him share his feelings and get the reason that he is so upset. Of course he thinks he is being abandoned. So as my w was getting in the car I asked how she thought we should handle this. Basically she was very short, and cold. She said she wasn't sure. Obviously not the right time on my part to ask.

It is so hard to not bring up r talks in moments like that, but I stood tall and said nothing of the sort.

After talking with my s about him sharing the why's and not just continuing to tell us he wants mommy to stay, I gave her a call. Apparently he has been telling her quite often that he wants us all to live together. She said she didn't think earlier was the right time to talk about it, I agreed, and then shared with her my thoughts on getting him to open up. She seemed pretty shaken so I took the oppurtunity to show her some support. Basically told her that we would get through this and we would be stronger people on the other side. It is so hard to be supportive with something like this. I figure if I don't she won't feel safe talking to me.

I had asked her last week if she would come with me to a C to learn the best way to parent these types of sitches. She declined, saying she thinks we are doing a good job. I understand asking for help would put a major dent in her justification. Anyway I told her I have a appointment with a C for myself next Monday so I would talk to him about the kids.

I feel like this is going to harden our children and I just want them to be kids.
Sorry just kind of rambling. I know I am a good option, and I will become the best option, those kids deserve nothing less.

[eyesopen]

So at this point I am not really sure what to do. How do you go dark when you have almost daily contact? Do I make all my contact business like? Or do I stay on the same path of being supportive and trying to speak WOA when she seems receptive? I don't think anything I do will stop a d. It looks as if I will have to continue this journey unmarried. I am at peace with the current state of things, that doesn't mean that I want this.

There was something posted on rough's thread about being completely ready to move on before anything will click in the WAS. I have had that same sentiment pretty much from the beginning, it seems my sitch just progressed a little faster than most.

[Soul.Searching]

I don't have any advice but that is actually my fear! I really feel H will regret what he has done and want to try again. I just think what If it's too late by then? What if I don't want To try again by that point.

I really have no idea what you should do. I'm new to this myself. Good luck with whatever you choose.

[eyesopen]

Lisa, I think the only way it would ever work again is when we are at that point of saying yes or no, not based on a emotional need.

[Crazyville]

Eyes and Lisa, I understand and recognize your fears. So the question I would have for both of you is, what would it then take for your WAS to regain your interest/trust after it was "too late" for you? You will have effectively become the WAS and your WAS will have transformed into the LBS. Perhaps by then you will have successfully let go and gone forward planning your future without them, perhaps even with someone else. You would have a taste of happiness again, something you haven't had in a while, and then here they come knocking on the door begging you to come back to them. Which would mean that you would have to give up the plans you made, the happiness you're experiencing, perhaps the person you were experiencing it with, so that you could try again with someone that broke your heart.

I believe LBS's can only answer this question when they've reached the point you have, of considering that someday YOU might not want to reconcile. If nothing else, I would hope that considering this question would give you some insight as to how your WAS's are feeling now. It's likely they reached a point some time back where they felt it was just "too late." Perhaps empathy for their perspective might help you with your interactions with them now.

[Soul.Searching]

Wow Crazyville!! Just wow!!