My W left me. My family’s not intact. My W’s cheated. I may never get my W back. I won’t ever find someone like my W. I feel nobody will love me again.
Touché!!! OM all points. So once you've realized that, what do you do with it?
Sorry mate, I've been reading great advice from every thread I go through and I can relate to all of it but I burst into tears every two minutes and can't seem to get past what's up there. It's probably the effect of the Xanax I stopped taking last night. I don't know. Had to cancel work today. I just can't function today. I can't seem to get a hold of myself.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
I fuc!ked up on all those things and that has a lot to do with why I am here.
Geez that is valuable insight IF you are doing something about it.
What would be different now, and from this day forward if you were to reconcile?
What are you working on to change that equation?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I fuc!ked up on all those things and that has a lot to do with why I am here.
Geez that is valuable insight IF you are doing something about it.
What would be different now, and from this day forward if you were to reconcile?
What are you working on to change that equation?
Financial- As I was growing up I was never given any financial management skills, unfortunately it’s been a really steep learning curve. I am finally paying all my bills on time and I am doing it myself, something I haven’t done for years. I am not taking on additional debt and I’ve met with a financial advisor several times. I am learning to budget and I am much more cautious with my spending. I’ve finally become very cost conscious. I have a lot more respect for my money and I’ve come to understand that I don’t need to buy things for instant gratification. I’ve got myself on a couple of payment plans with creditors. I’ve become more responsible and I don’t brush these things under the rug anymore.
Confidence-This is a hard one for me, it was something I never really thought about. I am definitely a work in progress. Just being mindful of this shortcoming is a baby step towards improvement.
Sleep- I've had problems sleeping FOR YEARS and I've recently addressed it. I've been waking up about 10 times a night and I knew it needed to be addressed, which I did. I finally had a sleep study. The doctor diagnosed me with sleep apnea which surprised me because I thought it only affected overweight people. I am now learning that’s not true. They could somehow tell that I would start snoring and then the muscle in my throat would close which caused me to wake up. It’s now being treated so my sleep schedule is a lot more under control.
Conflict avoidance- I used to really struggle with this. I would over-think everything before I responded to people. I would almost do anything not to fight or stir the pot, that was my mantra. I am now doing a much better job voicing my opinion with others, being more assertive. I am not spending every waking moment seeking the approval of others. I am being a lot more honest with myself and others. I've worked really hard to get rid of my unhealthy, passive aggressive behavior.
"Furthermore, and I know of many here who lived it, SHE won't have any sense of urgency nor decisions to finally make UNTIL you move forward with the life that WILL happen without her. That is the thing that clicks in them. The only thing.
You can't tell her. You can't fake it.
You have to LIVE it."
^^^^^From AKhope. I had to steel this from AT's thread as a reminder. It's some truthful wisdom.
All quiet and left with my thoughts. AT’s thread has been really insightful. It’s been very helpful and thought provoking. I agree and I am on the same page in so many ways. My old relationship with W is dead, gone, no more, it’s a thing of the past in so many ways. When it’s time for my next relationship, it will be healthy, happy and better. It may be with or without my W, I dont know. Which leads me to my next point.
To some, a fb status might seem trivial but sometimes it can be very telling. I’ve kept a lot of pictures of W and I up. I’ve also kept my status at married. I decided to remove my marriage status and change it to blank, just nothing. I also removed almost all the pictures of W. I didn’t do this out of spite or anger. I didn’t do this to prove a point or to get attention. I didn’t do this so single women would think I am available. I did this because my old relationship with W is gone. W might or might not give a sh!t. Sure, it will most likely bug W but I won’t spend my entire life trying to please her or keep the peace. To sum it up, I view it as another piece of my letting go process. I know it sounds a bit dramatic but it’s part of a new chapter in my life.
Hi Rough, I don't think its dramatic at all. I think if it helps, than do it. Before i deactivated my entire account, i do removed my relationship status. Like you, I didn't change it...just left it blank. For some reason it helped me move out of denial. It wasn't just that that helped move forward....but just one of the many many small baby steps.
Yes we do have to make our own choices and decisions now. Its scary. But this board gives up a lot of support in learning how to do that :-)
I hope you are ok today.
(((( ))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
My H changed his Facebook status the same night he left, talk about shattering! I changed mine probably about three weeks later and he actually wrote "Wow" I think it really affected him. I havent removed any of his pictures of anything we have tagged each other in because to me he was a huge part of my life and nothing will ever change that. I have finally forgiven both of us for any and all of our past mistakes. I actually found, much to my surprise that it was harder to forgive myself than him. To tell you the truth I have never even thought about forgiving myself until this happened. Not to this extent anyway.
I couldn't handle seeing H's status updates or comments he made. I thought about de friending him but I really don't want to do that. I decided to deactivate my account instead and I really think it helped me to detach. Its not perminate and I don't have a time frame but I think I'll know when the time is right to re activate it.
You need to do whatever helps you right now. If that's what helps you heal and detach, than so be it.
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
