Eric, thank you for your concern. I have been unable to update, but I am alive and well. I try to do things orderly so I'll address your post in a sec.
First, starsky - guilty as charged. It is not the way I envisioned, but what ended up happening in order to avoid contact. It did provide for a chance for my W to actually speak with me honestly - something I have stressed needs to be in place for our R to work again way back when I started this post. And it was the first time real two way communications occurred. Step back, step forward. But this behavior has ended and the confront will be Sunday or Monday as I will not allow this disrespect to continue w OM being in pic ( boundary #1).
Eric - confronting is not dragging on, see above. It WILL happen.
Your post made me take stock of current sitch. I did lose some confidence and buckled. I can't b 100% even though i try, and it was bound to happen. Yes there is some anger there. It is lingering and although it came across as misplaced, this is the only outlet I have right now and needed to vent. I did this so that nothing became worse here between W and i. Kinda part of my own coping mechanism. But not good in long run, I understand.
I realize your advice shared is very valuable and there was an old post someone linked to about confidence in this string that I printed and try to read everyday. It does work to be confident, I get it, but I recently felt trapped. And as we know a trapped animal may make incorrect long term decisions for short term gain.
One update to share is that just last night, my W actually opened up and spoke w me about *some*of our sitch. She again admitted all the work I have done to turn my life around (which as I have shared here was for ME, I did not like the person I was becoming) and that she has been amazed/impressed/taken note of it/and appreciates it. She also addressed a bit about her thoughts on how we arrived at the cross roads of the R, and took a step towards admitting her role in the breakdown of our R (completely unsolicited by me). I reiterated nothing new from my discussion w her a while back but emphasized certain things said previously. I did leave the door open for her to admit the A (knowing she wouldn't and didn't) but it was clear that she is internally troubled. Regardless, the way I stated everything in a very calm confident manner began the foundation for my confronting soon.
As always, any guidance or smacking in a silly manner is appreciated....sometimes that's what I need to sit up and take notice.
