I am with you on this. I wish my W would realize that nobody could love her like I can. About two weeks ago, I said that to her. She said that I didn't even know her. It is so hard when you realize the thinkgs you have done and want to rectify them. But you must do it for yourself and not your H. He will see right through that.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
Thank you for your input Grateful. Yeah, I feel like whatever we say means nothing to them, and they could easily say something back like what your W said So I am kinda scared of saying anything right now. Well, H is not contacting me at all, so I guess somehow it's a good thing I don't get to say anything....
And, it sounds to me that your W just brushed off all the happy times in her head at the moment! And yeah, they'd say it's too late that we change for good, sometimes, it really hit me that I start to wonder if it's too late..... But I really don't think it's too late.... I wish I could show H, and show myself that I could save our M....
I'll try to work on myself more, this is hard to not think about how they'd react to our changes though....
Good luck to you Grateful, I hope you'll be able to show W your M still has a chance!
Thank you for the kind words. Take it from me, saying anything about the R just sets you up for heartbreak. I know you are in a state of heartbreak now, so you feel, "what the heck?" Trust me, it just pushes him or her away further. Detaching from speaking to H will be the toughest and best decision you can make.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
I'll try to work on myself more, this is hard to not think about how they'd react to our changes though....
Good luck to you Grateful, I hope you'll be able to show W your M still has a chance!
I reflect quite a bit on that, how can she know I've truly changed? What will show her that?
Fact of the matter is she/they can't. When I go inside myself I realise that on the outside everything is the same. I've said I'll change, but I've said that several times before as well. Difference now is, -I- feel the change on the inside. But sadly, we are the only one who can truly know now. I mean, even I have asked myself if I will be able to keep these changes. I guess, like so many have said here, with time maybe they will believe the change they see.
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
Hi NinaNina, My husband is not talking to me as we'll. I admit I haven't had very good luck at keeping my mouth shut. I can go for several days, then feel the need to send an email. He never responds. I know I've probably made every mistake I can regarding our R. The thing that really corks me is....he is the one who had the affair, walked out on me and my Ds, is in the middle of a MLC....and I'm the one trying to "fix"it al!!! It has taken a couple of months for me to realize and accept I don't have control over any of it. I can't make my H do anything.
I am determined to not send another email to him. He is overseas for the next three weeks, so I won't call him (didn't before anyway). He is defiantly "hiding" from everything and everybody. I remind myself everyday to do for myself and my Ds. I need to work more on getting back on track with my life. I've been unmotivated to do almost everything in my life.
I go to work. I attend whatever my Ds are doing. But, I need to get my health back on track. I need to stop neglecting my chores at home. It is hard to take care of everything myself. But, there is no other choice.
I'm working on being ok with or without him. Very hard to do. We have been together since I was 15. Keep in touch and let me know how you're doing. :o)
I reflect quite a bit on that, how can she know I've truly changed? What will show her that?
Fact of the matter is she/they can't. When I go inside myself I realise that on the outside everything is the same. I've said I'll change, but I've said that several times before as well. Difference now is, -I- feel the change on the inside. But sadly, we are the only one who can truly know now. I mean, even I have asked myself if I will be able to keep these changes. I guess, like so many have said here, with time maybe they will believe the change they see.
Thanks for sharing your thought the UF, Yeah, I've said I'll change so many times before too. Back then, I really didn't realize how I was damaging our relationship. That's why I feel extra bad now that I even understand why my H wouldn't want to try with me.
I do feel a bit different inside, although it's quite a wavy feeling.
I'll just have to make sure my changes (however small they are) are consistent! Hopefully, our changes will be seen!
Hi NinaNina, My husband is not talking to me as we'll. I admit I haven't had very good luck at keeping my mouth shut. I can go for several days, then feel the need to send an email. He never responds. I know I've probably made every mistake I can regarding our R. The thing that really corks me is....he is the one who had the affair, walked out on me and my Ds, is in the middle of a MLC....and I'm the one trying to "fix"it al!!! It has taken a couple of months for me to realize and accept I don't have control over any of it. I can't make my H do anything.
I am determined to not send another email to him. He is overseas for the next three weeks, so I won't call him (didn't before anyway). He is defiantly "hiding" from everything and everybody. I remind myself everyday to do for myself and my Ds. I need to work more on getting back on track with my life. I've been unmotivated to do almost everything in my life.
I go to work. I attend whatever my Ds are doing. But, I need to get my health back on track. I need to stop neglecting my chores at home. It is hard to take care of everything myself. But, there is no other choice.
I'm working on being ok with or without him. Very hard to do. We have been together since I was 15. Keep in touch and let me know how you're doing. :o)
Hi TJP,
I'm sorry to hear that similar thing happened to you too. I know, I didn't do a good job not talking either. I really wanna call or email or text my H every day now, but I know I can't, I don't even know what to say really. And Yeah, I can relate, HE is the one who had the affair and walked away, and we're trying to fix our M despite that how much we're hurt...And it makes perfect sense to me, but I also realized that it doesn't make that much sense to them. At this moment, they just want their happiness, if they find it in the affair... We really couldn't tell them that they are wrong.
My H even told me that if he left the OW, it's "unfair" for her....Can you believe it? Unfair, and for her?! And he started to make all the scenarios that we would just be better off on our own terms. And he said it like he was thinking for me, for my good.....
I'm glad you made up your mind to not contact him, I so understand how it feels! I feel like my H is hiding too, well, just from me I suppose. Keep up the attitude, it's a good thing that you are motivated to live life as how you wanted to. I'm trying to do that too, like you, I was unmotivated for a while too, and it is not a great feeling.
That's a long time since you were together!! I understand more how hard it is to be in it! All the sweet memories and feelings and everything you've been through together.... We were together since I was 18...
I do understand now that, when you meet young and marry young, you have this feeling that you might be missing out on life, but after awhile, I found myself back and I realized that, he really was my love, I didn't just throw myself into marriage cuz he happened to be there. But it's just me, if he feels like he's missing out, I couldn't say a thing.... I seemed to forget how we loved for a while, and now, going through this, I started to remember more and more of the happy history.
Thank you for the kind words. Take it from me, saying anything about the R just sets you up for heartbreak. I know you are in a state of heartbreak now, so you feel, "what the heck?" Trust me, it just pushes him or her away further. Detaching from speaking to H will be the toughest and best decision you can make.
You are welcome Grateful. Thank you for telling me this, it definitely helps! I do feel like wth why can't we even face the problems from time to time. And right now, it's him not speaking to me, but I guess it helps. So I'm not contacting him at all. This is so tough!! Thanks for your input, I feel less bad about my feelings.
MY BAD. I just found out my H is for sure openly dating the OW now. I feel so horrible inside. Especially before I found out, I was thinking about how sweet he was.... I feel so resentful, and I feel so hurt. I want to drive up to him and slap him in the face and say you are a LOSER and you can't even face me and you are dating another woman while our M is not over yet! I feel so helpless I feel like I cannot do anything. And I know that if I go up there, I won't make anything good happen. But this pain in me is so much that I hate hate hate it. What can I do? He is having even more fun with the OW and why would he want to be back to me... I am questioning it and I really have no idea what to do right now. I am so resentful I cannot believe he is doing this to me. I feel so stupid.
He doesnt know that I keep finding these out. I feel stupid I put my mind on finding these out. But I feel like he should know that I KNOW! He needs to face me and tell me what is going on. I feel really stupid he is living it up and thinking I don't know anything. He is such a horrible person to me now. I think my love for him is truly sinking if not dying. He is not the one I loved before.
So I am kinda scared of saying anything right now. Well, H is not contacting me at all, so I guess somehow it's a good thing I don't get to say anything....
We really couldn't tell them that they are wrong.