Time for an Introduction...and Thanks

[figure-it-out]

Thanks Brian.
I think so too. I am still angry today. Haven't talked to H and I'm assuming (mind reading I know), that he has a pretty good idea I know about the meeting and is keeping his distance until he feels the coast is clear.

I really feel he has no concept of how THIS act is going to change the way he and I relate. I talked to my IC about this as she wonders why this particular event is affecting me so deeply. She feels it may have to do with the whole situation finally becoming "real". I kind of feel that it's the dragging of S and D into the mix with the GF that is pushing me to this point. Like if it was just ME dealing with all of this I could handle it but bring my kids into it and it's a whole new ball game. This definitely requires more introspection on my part.

I was so angry when S told me that both H and GF told him they understood how upset S was when they met and that they had "gone through it too" (I'm assuming GF's parents were also divorced) I wish I could tell H that if that were true then he would want his children of all people NOT to go through it. How stupid to say something like that to a child to alleviate some of your guilt.

But no, in spite of this, I want my marriage and family and as such need to come here to vent. No mirror can be held up to H as he would not see his reflection right now anyway. I am just so tired.

I am dreading the next time I have to see H and am already making plans to not be there on Saturday when he comes to get S. I am afraid if I am there I will not be able to hold my tongue and will set myself back even more.

On a brighter note, I have really been trying to tune into S and D even more these past few days. Took S to practice last night and had a fun time stopping for dinner afterward, talking and watching the baseball playoffs. D is a little more closed off. I'm sure she's sharing more with her BF so I'm glad she has him for an outlet. She did come and lay her head on my stomach the other night while I was in bed watching TV. Gotta say, even at 18 I love that she still wants to do that. Especially at 18!

Just feels like I had my footing there for a bit and I've been thrown off course.