Well, my son felt good enough to go shopping for his Halloween costume and a new pair of gym shoes. He shredded the 1st pair in the first two months of school.
He developed a 100.8 degree fever about 3 hours after we got home though, so i gave him some childrens ibuprofen and that took care of the fever, so he was good to go to school this morning.
My wife finally texted last night to see how he was doing. She should have followed up on Saturday instead if she really was concerned like a mother should be. I will give her a return call in a while, but i am not responding immediately. You can leave the judgement out of it. We know she's not mother of the year. SHE knows he's in good hands with you. And a fever of less than 101'F usually just gets some Ibuprofen or tylenol unless there are other symptoms. I mean you did fine but the wording shows your anger at being a single parent.
And you've been one for awhile now.
Now, is that right?
Since it's about our son, should i reply sooner? YES you should, imo. Don't punish or play games when it comes to him. It's NOT about whether she "deserves" the info, it's about your son.
I really would like some advice and mentoring please.
I don't want to further alienate her feelings towards me. This is SO opposite of how i would have responded at any other point in our marriage, but is it right to do a 180 when it comes to letting her know how our son is doing?
what are you talking about doing, being silent re your son? That can bite you in the rear end in Court. And it's punitive too.
It's one thing to let her face the consequences of her choices, it's quite another to impose them on her.
The first is fine, the second is wrong. It's not your job to "teach her a lesson" or "show her the consequences of her choices",
LIFE does that to them.
I realized yesterday that this past Saturday was Sweetest Day. I never missed getting and doing things for her, even in the past 3 years since d-day. I had a private meltdown thinking about how much i enjoyed getting her gifts and always filling out the cards with loving sentiments. Dang, i still miss the woman i married. Did you read anything at all on Detachment? You must.
I still am trying to show detachment though, even if it hurts more to act that way. why does it hurt MORE? You must not realize what we mean by detachment. I'll post a short piece on it here.
Detachment does NOT mean you don't care or that you dislike them. It does not mean you stop loving them OR that you are giving up.
it's first and foremost a self protecting strategy. Second, it helps you GAL, which you really need to do (involve other people in that too. New people!)
Third, SOMETIMES as a byproduct (but never the purpose of) of detachment, the WAS becomes intrigued or curious about what WE are doing or feeling or planning...and that CAN lead to them awakening a bit to the concept of us moving on and NOT just waiting for them.
I find that the more you reassure a WAS of your "always being there for them" the LONGER they take to explore all other options before they think of returning, if they ever do.
The idea that the cannot lose you, means they need not treat you well. In fact it's often a reason FOR them running more b/c they feel trapped and stalked by your promise of fidelity and loyalty in the face of obvious betrayal.
And they tend to lose respect for their LBSer, and losing respect for our h's is often the deathknell to ever feeling love for them.
Can somebody talk to me. I feel pretty lonely posting several days in a row and not getting feedback.
Ed
Here's the piece on detachment
"This was originally posted by Peanut. ============ II. Detachment Detachment is critical to the process of altering and repairing a relationship.
Attached, we take personally all that is said, not said, done and not done.
Our ego gets wounded and we are more inclined to those actions that will undermine our very best chances of accomplishing our goals.
[u] We can not control the actions of another. We are, however, responsible for our own actions. We are responsible for our own happiness.
If we are detached from the actions of another, we can meet anger or indifference with love. Met with love we are in a position to diffuse the situation and transform it in a way that will be in alignment with our goals.
On the flipside, detachment allows us to play it cool when we do get a positive reaction from our spouse. It is a way to break the distance/pursuer cycle. Detachment is not withdrawal. It is not the mind saying, ‘I am not getting what I want so I must pull back.’ It is the natural acceptance that I am alone responsible for how I act.
I can not control another person, but I can control how I respond to them."
[/u] Ed, I hope this helps.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
