other day when you said watchout- i was in some wierd place and shouldn't make any sudden moves - boy, are you ever right.
i'm sitting here this moment- screaming and yelling out loud to no one - this h makes me soooooo damn offended i could kill him. i mean it- he wrote an e-mail about his plans to return here. he's going to visit an old college buddy- then flying back there for a day or two before he comes here. all cool & matter of fact - yeah, i get it - the ONLY thing in the f/ing universe that matters in life is his damn happiness and his _ _ _ _ and HIM. WHAT A PIG - i could kill him because he is such a smug - self interested giant giant GIANT as_ AND I mean it.
I sit here - life on hold - waiting for what??? his big stupid self to have some kind of awakening (which may never come) and - that big f just rolls along doing whatever the heck he pleases- LIED TO KEEP me in this stinking life and here's me bored to tears & pissed on a daily basis. God only knows what would happen if something interesting did come along in my life - fingers crossed. .
i consider the immense satisfaction if i went mlc and walked out of his life. i have no idea if he'd care or not- my EGO DEMANDS I THINK HE'd cry him a river at some point - some day. he's such a big fat ego hard guy- maybe he'd never ever let himself even miss me. i am telling you and the universe- he will not EVER find another gal like me (even with the flaws) i hope his head falls off and rolls under a car - splat. idiot.....
my finger twitches at the thought of dialing the phone and telling him to drop the hell dead and get out of my life.
sorry- i find him soooo offensive- i could just scream.
what a jerk he is. - after i write this to you- i'm going to go walk over and get a lottery ticket- to make myself laugh at the absurdity- but who knows rite? there is that one in a baziollion jillion million chance i win. now - what would i do besides dis - a - f'ing - pear???? we wonder. i still consider it .
i almost did when we were in new england- if i'd had my purse or credit card- i was thinking of just not returning to hotel from my morning walk- wouldn't he be surprised and amazed if i just went awol??? he could just drive home alone and wonder where the hell i got to? . it didn't occur to me til i was out of room- no purse, etc. it was a good feeling & thought tho. he doesn't realize the breadth & depth of my spontinaity. good i say- maybe i'll be amazing and surprising sometime yet and he's soooooo sure ofme he will never ever see it coming. i know- gross isn't it- this desire for revenge? who me? better than what??? not so much huh/.
