AnotherStander...I have read some of your other posts. You are very kind and supportive. It's hard to believe you are where you are mentally after just a short time. I can admire your attitude about your situation.
Thank you, you are too kind It's been a rough road for sure, but my W has been pretty low energy about it so that has made it easier to deal with I think. My heart goes out to those like you who are dealing with MLC/ personality transplants/ monsters, it's difficult enough without having to go through that too.
Originally Posted By: TJP
What am I supposed to do when my H, who left, won't talk to me? I haven't heard from him in weeks, other than money talk. He emails our Ds.
Unfortunately that's often part of it, MLCers will go great lengths of time with no contact. The only thing you can work on is yourself. Learn to be content/ happy without your H. Once you accept that he won't be contacting you then it's not as stressful wondering why you're not hearing from him.
Nothing against London or you, but that's where my nightmare began. I still remember sitting outside Westminster Abby praying right after I found out about H affair.
I'm so sorry, TJP, that London has become tainted with your nightmare. I think it's inevitable and maybe one day that association will fade or be replaced with another one. I was at Westminster Abbey recently because my D15 is applying to go to sixth form there. I was moved by how beautiful it was.
One thing that really strikes me in your sitch is the lovely relationship you have with both your Ds. To me it shows lots of emotional intelligence on your part and makes me think that you'll be/already are a great DBer and that you will come through stronger no matter what happens with your H. You and your daughters are very lucky to have each other.
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
It's crazy. I know what I should be doing, but I'm not doing it. I know I shouldn't be emailing him. I go for a few days, then feel the need to tell him how I feel. WRONG! I know. I have a very hard time keeping my mouth shut when it comes to my Ds. My YD is a senior in high school. She is involved in so many things. This past weekend she had a final performance with the marching band. She is the Captian of the Color Guard. She is amazing. She spins flag, saber and rifle. She had a solo in this years show. They competed in the Rams football stadium. She was perfect! My OD took off work to go see her sister. My YDs boyfriend drove 3 1/2 hours to surprise her. It was great that we were all there, but when we got home, she sat and cried because her Dad wasn't there. Last year he was out of the country on business and flew back just for the weekend so he could go to the same competition. She feels like she means nothing to him. He emailed her the next day and wanted her to tell him all about it. So far she hasn't responded. Last I knew, she wasn't going to. My H is someone we don't even know anymore. I feel heart broken for my D. Her senior year only happens once.
My YD is a senior in high school. She is involved in so many things. This past weekend she had a final performance with the marching band. She is the Captian of the Color Guard. She is amazing. She spins flag, saber and rifle. She had a solo in this years show.
That's fantastic!! My D18 is in college now, but was in marching band throughout HS and also did color guard (mostly after marching season was over). Their band was top 10 in state both years they went (it's every other year). And her guard won quite a few awards as well. I never even knew what "color guard" was before she started participating in it, but after going to all the shows I have to say I truly enjoyed watching ALL the teams perform. It is such an incredible art form! Same with the marching bands, it is really inspiring watching a talented band march and play. The routines at state were just jaw-dropping!
Amazing that you know about color guard!I love watching color guard and the marching band. I've been doing this for seven years. My OD, who is in college, was Drum Major for three years. I'm proud of both my Ds. Winter Guard is what comes next for us. It's all indoors and focuses just on the guard. This may be what your D was doing after marching band. It's really great to hear about your band/guard experience. Not many people know about that world. This past marching season has been one thing that helped my D put her focus on something else, other than her Dad. It's just the competitions that are a little hard because my H isn't there. But, usually the feeling passes and we just enjoy the moment.
My OD, who is in college, was Drum Major for three years.
Wow, that's amazing! They must both be very talented!!
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Winter Guard is what comes next for us. It's all indoors and focuses just on the guard. This may be what your D was doing after marching band.
Exactly right, I figured you'd know what I meant but continued to call it color guard because I figured no one else here would
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It's just the competitions that are a little hard because my H isn't there.
That's a shame, I bet if he went he'd enjoy it in spite of himself. It's really quite beautiful to watch, and often the music they pick for their routines can create such an emotional response.
My D was always very shy and introverted, band and guard totally transformed her. It always made me so proud to watch her perform!
I have committed myself to not have any contact with H. We haven't talked in two weeks. He came home to pick up his passport. Since then I've emailed him. The last email was Sunday. I was kind of fussing at him about how he is ignoring our Ds. Now I know I shouldn't have done that. So, I will stop. I will remind myself that I need to give him space and time. I have to remember that I still have our house to live in, money to pay the bills, my job and my friends. I am going to go on with my life and hopefully he will take notice. No communication couldn't make things worse. So, here I go on the next step of the horrible journey.
What else should I be doing? I have opened my own checking account. My husband and I have always had a joint account. I can transfer money from the joint to my account. H knows I've done this. He hasn't said a word about it. I'm sure about talking to a lawyer.. Should I do any more than what I'm doing now? Or just stay put and wait?
I am doing a little better. I have stepped back from a relationship with H and my mutual friends. They were stressing me out, giving me updates on my H. Don't really want to hear anything about him right now. He's out of the country for two more weeks. It helps actually that he isn't in town. I don't feel as anxious and my D at home isn't upset because she hasn't seen her Dad.
He emailed her on Sunday wanting to know how her performance went and how is she doing. He also said he missed her. I believe he does miss her, but I think he wants to hear she misses him. I think him asking how everything went was more for him, than for her.
He wants to know that he is still important to her. She is pretty POed at him. Last I knew she never emailed him back.
I am doing very well, for me, about not communicating with him. Nothing since Sunday. I really do believe I can keep it up. I feel like I am making progress. I really do love him and want our marriage. I'm starting to accept the fact that I can't make him do anything. Wish I could! No. I want him to come home because its what he wants.
It's been a rough road for sure, but my W has been pretty low energy about it so that has made it easier to deal with I think. My heart goes out to those like you who are dealing with MLC/ personality transplants/ monsters, it's difficult enough without having to go through that too.
No. I want him to come home because its what he wants.