One thing I have realized is that my time & energy & thoughts are primarily focused on my H & our sitch pretty much since BD over 4 months ago.

This means my 3 boys have been secondary. I'm starting to feel VERY guilty about that. Esp. since my middle S is now having difficulty in school. My oldest S (13) is turning into a true teenage & we have very few real conversations (even though I try to talk to him/ with him).

With my H's moving out the top priority for me is to reinvest my time and energy into my kids. Reconnect- play with them- talk to them- LOVE them even MORE.

I feel like my H has sucked the life out of me and I've had no real joy since he shut down on me (about last christmas).

I want to feel joy again, experience laughter again, look forward to each day, rather than just trying to get through it and cross it off the calendar.

It is not fair to them that their dad has basically emotionally abandoned them (and me). I need to be strong and stable for them.

I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS W/O DENYING MY INNER FEELINGS OF HURT.

H said this morning that strangely, he thinks the boys will become his top priority when he moves out. Interesting that he thinks being a part time dad is going to be a top priority. I don't get his thinking at all.

As he gets closer to the move-out date he seems happier...I on the other hand feel worse and worse.

M- 18 T-21
S-14,11 & 10
BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA)
H moved out 11-3-2012
10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life.
11-25-13 Jointly filed.