Is It really Worth it?

[AnotherStander]

[quote=NinaNina] Maybe it's a shield they put up? Maybe they don't want to send too much good vibes our way out of fear we will misinterpret?

My W started treating me really poorly for a while and finally came to me and said she couldn't do it anymore. She explained to me that she thought that treating me poorly would make it easier for me to move on. How's that for logic? She kept saying that she couldn't treat me like that anymore because I didn't deserve it, but that she also didn't want me "to get the wrong idea". In other words, she didn't want me to have any hope that reconciliation is possible. So yeah, I think that WAS's do modify their behavior so as not to imply any hope.

Thoughts....If my H want to come home, should I "impose" stipulations on him about the OW?

If he's coming home to reconcile, then yes, by all means there should be boundaries. No contact with OW and full access to his email & phone is a good place to start.

How much is going to far with my "demands"? Do I tell him this is what I would like for you to do, but I am not going to force you to do this to come home?

It's only going too far if he doesn't want to reconcile, because if he doesn't want to then he's not going to agree to it. But I would make it clear to him that coming home is only allowable if he's planning on working on the M, and that in order to do that he's got to cut contact with OW.