My H and I have been together 18 years, I'm 42 he's 41. We had a typical passionate love affair that got interrupted by life. We started working together 5 years ago in his family business, I am very driven and controlling and he is quite conflict avoidant and passive aggressive. Mostly I thought we were a good team. I'm very close to his Mum, Sister and our nieces. I was also very close to his Dad, but sadly he died 4 years ago and that is when I really noticed that my H was starting to shut down and become emotionally distant.
Looking back I think he was really depressed and I didn't do anything to help him, nagged, pursued etc. I also realise that he started to get a porn obsession approx 2 years ago, but I have only realised that since BD 1 (Nov last year OW1) and since other revelations.
We had a false R, he seemed to find it incapable to open up to me. Again I did everything wrong. I just never seemed to be able to reach me. We both tried but we were trying the wrong stuff. No real communication. This was Dec 2011 until July 2012 when I realised he'd totally checked out again.
So today, he moved out first week Sept, he had been involved with OW1 again OW2 both since July. He dumped OW1 as OW2 is single and available and from his past. She's also a master manipulator with a history of breaking up relationships. Very different situation from OW1 last year as he's moved in with her although ostensibly meant to be living at his Mums. However as he's staying at OW2's house every night I feel that is semantics.
My concern is this, he is desperate to move full speed ahead to divorce and total separation. I'm doing a good job of GAL and NC but we see each other Mon-Fri at work. I spend a fair bit of time with his family, which he doesn't. He doesn't spend time with his friends. If he's not at work he's with OW2 and her two kids. I think he's having an MLC but is it just a WAS? And does it actually make any difference to how you respond?
I suppose that is the million dollar question. I am still in two minds about standing, he seems so certain of his choices and that I am the enemy but even though my head says it's done, my heart doesn't agree!
Any advice guys, I've read the DB book over and over, read stuff here and all over. Recognising what I did wrong in my M, recognising why I did what I did wrong, recognising what needs weren't being fulfilled by my H and why. Doing what I can to make me the best possible version of me, and just being grateful for my life. Even though I'm hurting I'm happy to be alive and grow through this crazy experience.
