Lois, I am so sorry you are having a bad time. I relate totally to that sense of dread that we iive with post bomb, and I had it for a very long time. But it goes. I think it is about 70% traumatic shock and 30% having to take total responsibility
I think I may have recommended Private Lies. I am very sorry you are finding it painful, and I apologise for adding to any pain you are feeling. I agree with Snodderly that it isn't helpful for understanding the mind of a MLCer, and maybe it is too soon for you to read it, but one thing we can forget in dealing with MLC is that they take the infidelity route [or most do] and it can be very helpful to understand why they take that route rather than the fast cars etc etc. You might prefer the article by Frank Pittman, which I don't think I am allowed to post a link to, but you can find easily by googling his name. This does seem to explain clearly the MLC type of escape, romantic affair.
They are craving escape and romance. To us the kind of crazy woman they hook up with, usually not as attractive an intelligent as us, appeals to THEM, and they invest her with this romance.
It helped me to see that my xh was actually 'in love' [as defined by Pittman] incredible as it seemed to me, with this crazy woman. Until he wasn't
But what I found most reassuring was Pittmans unwavering stance against infidelity as a solution to anything. Not just in the MLC context, but ever. It solves no problems, only creates more. It no way to either escape from, or exist within, your marriage. The MLCer usually uses an OP to escape from their marriage, and here Pittman's insights as to what is going on are very helpful.
