IB - I agree with what others have posted. I also thought I had lost my capacity for joy. It is like getting over a long illness and there are times when you don't think you will ever be able to run upstairs or do any job without feeling exhuasted.
The joy in my life returned gradually, and I was feeling happy again before I noticed I was. Like so many here, I was 'defined' by my happpiness in the relationship and family, despite a good career, lots of friends and outside interests. If I am honest I was a bit complacent.
I don't think it meant I lost my identity exactly, but I had one that was part of being a member of a very special group of people. That group is now gone in its old form. My children are all grown, and we have a new family dynamic. It isn't the same, it is good. On a bad day I don't think it can be as good as it was. But that isn't my fault. In reality it is very good and brings me much joy. I don't blame my xh. He has his own monsters to deal with and increasingly I feel more and more sorry for him.
Anyway, we were planning Christmas this year, and my youngest son and his gf are hosting it. We settled where everyone would stay, and it wasn't until some hours later I realised I never even thought of my xh. How different from that first Christmas, which we 'made' ourselves enjoy it. But enjoy it we did, and it set the pattern for me realising that we can decide to be who we are. We can stand oursideof ourselves and act the part and like good method acting we become the part
Acknowledge the rightness and justification for your sadness, and then go out and go on acting your socks off. You have so much about you, and life will be good again.
Part of the sadness is that it will never be what it was,and could have been, and part of acceptance is coming to terms with that, for yourself and your children.
