I think I see the picnic!

[mamabird]

Once you are comfortable with your own boundaries and are comfortable telling other people what they are, you will feel so much more empowered. I know that I certainly had let my H walk all over me and basically had zero boundaries with him. When we don't have boundaries with other people we are giving them permission to disrespect us. At least, that is what happened in my sitch.

Do not feel guilty about being assertive. Assertive = strong. Many people confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness. There is a difference. Assertive people stand up for what they want. Aggressive people hit other people over the head to get what they want. Remember that you have to take care of you - and it probably will take some assertiveness.

Before my sitch started to turn around, Breakdown would tell me to "get a backbone." I had no boundaries with my H and he would throw borderline violent fits with name calling and the works. He reminded me to "ask for what you want", which is one of the DB principles. You can ask for something resolutely and absolutely without being mean or unreasonable. I think you have more power that way anyway.