Lost and confused

[Soul.Searching]

He was the same person who I was married to just with " no attachment" to me.

Really? He's the same person? What caused him to leave then?

See this is one thing that really confuses me. It was like he was still "him" but actually taking responsibility for thing. His never been good with money but now he tells me everything he is paying. ( I don't really know how much is true though.) he is doing everything he enjoys. It's like his still him but without the responsibility of fatherhood ( except every second weekend.) the H I knew would never have done this to me. He has wanted to be with me since I can remember but it wasent until I was sixteen that I started dating him.

The hard part with my sitch is that he seemed to change once we were married. D was born 3 months after our wedding. I was just 19 and he was 21. People used to see his wedding ring and comment on how he looked way too young to be married. I think he started to resent me.

That was 9 years ago though. He has been honestly like a split personally since then. He can be the nicest guy ever but then he can be the biggest arse ever and can "turn" in a second. He does everything for everybody. (except for us) he has trouble saying no to people. Basically that day he seemed just like himself. Except a "healthier" version. Sounded like he has his life all mapped out.

I honestly think that if we go through Christmas, new years and his Birthday separated, then I will give up.

Don't get me wrong - I am very pro marriage. But at this point what I see is that he has all the control over you and you let him. Reality is, you give him the control. You are still in shock to some degree. I know that feeling. It [censored].

Here's my thought. So far he is in control and he has left you. You are following him (emotionally) like a puppy dog hoping to be pet. He has no fear of losing you and feels in control. Very liberating to some people.

What happens if you were to leave him? Shut off communications with him or delay them? Not hang on his every word? Then what happens?

I'm not suggesting being mean. I'm not suggesting being rude or angry. I'm suggesting breaking all ties with him and keeping anything else to just business. Before you tear yourself to pieces worrying about somebody who left.

AJ

I have done this and at first it made him concider trying again. Then he just stopped calling/ messaging and didn't reply/ answer me!
I have stopped calling unless its about the children. If I don't answer my phone he gets really angry. He is the kind of person who wants to feel wanted. He wants little text messages and stuff. Even asked me to send him "love letters" by text when he wanted to try again.

I fear that me doing what you suggest may push him further away. If we can't be together I'd at least like us to stay friends for the kids sake. I just don't know what to do right now.