A New Week... A New Opportunity...

[AKHope]

Hi AT-

I saw your posts today and I need to offer something up to you (and Arsene)

The sense of melancholy. Nostalgia. Speaking of "not piecing yet". And Arsene's comment comparing the nostalgia "for a good friend you haven't seen in years"

I know Denver and some other 'old-tinmers' can helpme flesh this out and run with the topic.

DROP THE ROPE

All of the things you talk about are "the rope". You are holding onto something that is gone. Dead. Over. And YOU have to let go of the rope. It ties you to her; your old habits and tendencies. You know, what got you HERE.

Piecing? Glad you brought that up. (Cue Denver) Until you completely abandon your M, you have ZERO chance for reconciliation. Not your commitment; just the M as it was. ALL of it!

Your NEXT relationship (or marriage) to WHOMEVER life presents to you, will HAVE to be completely different and NEW.
And you have to view the "target" of these efforts as "someone" (not your W)

Nostalgia for an old friend? How about a friend that abandoned his wife for an affair? Or, an old friend that slept with your wife? What in the world is there to be nostalgic about?

You and Arsene both indicate there are OM/confirmed PA's!!

I am being extremely blunt for a reason. Your lives are at stake here. The longer you think about THEN rather than NOW and/or view the future, the longer YOU (and your kids, friends and family to varying degrees) suffer the dreaded LIMBO!!

It is not pretty. I really don't want to see similar posts from you in 8 months but until you free yourself and change your perspective on then and now and the future as having her in it, your going to continue to paddle fruiutlessly in this river.

It's a strong river and there is NO going back upstream. Hard damn work to stay in place.

Denver knows exactly what this means.

I appreciate the journalling but you need to be doing something with it. Pointing out how unhealthy the romanticism is would be a great starting point.

Furthermore, and I know of many here who lived it, SHE won't have any sense of urgency nor decisions to finally make UNTIL you move forward with the life that WILL happen without her. That is the thing that clicks in them. The only thing.

You can't tell her. You can't fake it.

You have to LIVE it.