The crack in my perfect life...

[Accuray]

Sweetbriar,

You're doing really well in the face of great adversity -- good for you for not getting sucked into that. H is reminding me of Alec Baldwin's episode with his daughter.

I think this is a nice sentiment for him to understand:

Im sad for him, because he must be suffering and I hate for him to think that we all hate him

You are right to not respond. At some point later, you could say something like:

"H, I'm sorry you're feeling badly and that you fear I'm trying to score points with our daughters at your expense -- I'm not, I'd like you to have a good relationship with them. I don't suppose there's anything I can say to make you believe that, so I'll have to accept how you feel. In any case, they are hurt and confused by our situation -- maybe it would help to talk to them about how they are feeling or attend one of their counseling sessions with them. I want things to get better between you and the girls. As you said, our relationship and our parenting are two different things."

No hurry to reach out to him obviously, let him cool off. I do feel that if he improves things with the girls it will make your life less stressful. It will help if you do not comment about H within earshot of the girls. Just tell them that their father loves them but is having a hard time right now and could use some compassion.

Accuray