The crack in my perfect life...

[Sweetbriar]

Thank you all for your responses. Lisa- yes, the meds are for depression and anxiety...H has been on them since I have known him, but they were changed right before all this stuff happened (the affair, and him leaving) although I cannot blame meds for his decisions.

I do see now where my first reaction and sentence was passive aggressive. I think that could have been a bit more supportive, but still let him know I didnt agree with the phone being cut off. That is the way I communicate with my kids while they are staying after school and with friends...especially since Im running in 3 different directions some days. I should have maybe expressed that as my reason, although I did let him know that today. Of course, I am the villian in this situation according to him. I tried to be kind today and texted him that I want to be supportive of him in this situation and that its important to me that he and the girls have a good relationship and that maybe next time we can talk about the punishment before he imposes it.

H: "I turned her phone back on...I will NEVER forgive you for what you've helped create in my children! It sickens me.
Karmas going to jump up and get you for this...no doubt in my mind.

A few minutes later...

h: "you got your way...you're the hero, girls hate me...please leave me alone"

Funny, I wasnt even texting back much because I was in my baby appointment...but I just figured that meant, dont text back, which I didnt.

I agree very much that there needs to be some counseling in place for the girls and H. He has never really sat down with them and discussed the whole thing, as the only time they are together is fun times at dinner and movies, etc...
They both see counselors and maybe I will suggest that H comes to an appt or 2 so they can talk with him openly how they feel. He never gets to hear it, so of course, when they do lash out, he things Im behind it. I dont plan on suggesting it though until cooler heads have prevailed (if they do...)

Here are a couple more texts he sent me while I was at the doc...I wasnt responding so he kept texting...

h: I'll never forgive you for this
h: Im not as bad as youre making me out to be
h: youre using the fact that your pissed off about our relationsip to screw me with the kids
h: Our relationship and parenting are 2 different things (this I agree with)
h: You love this...think it says mountains about your character
h: you are demonstrating another example of the lengths youll go to get what you want, regardless of the expense...the root cause of why we are not together

I assume he means that I wanted her phone turned back on...so I will do anything for the girls to make me the hero...which is NOT true. They see with their own eyes what is going on...

Anyway, I must say that all this nonsense from the past couple days has helped me detach a bit more....for some reason, I just kinda let go a little bit more today because of his behavior. I wasnt perfect in this situation, but honestly, watching how he behave and how he name called my D and watching how he put all the blame back on me really made me see that he is FAR from the H I used to know and love. He would have NEVER treated me like this or acted like this. Beginning to wonder if this is a MLC too?? He seems to have tons of the signs...

I need to start reconsidering what and how I say things when we do have contact regarding the kids. Its so easy to become mama bear when he lashes out at them that I dont seem to say the right things either and now, here we are....angry at each other and the kids are angry at him and its just a mess....

I cannot imagine things between us ever getting better when these arguments continue to happen. It pushes him away even more and I see now more than ever that these type of things and arguments would have happened had I let him back in a month ago. Im sad for him, because he must be suffering and I hate for him to think that we all hate him...especially with his low self esteem, but I know that I cannot help him now or make anything better...

Will the real H ever show his "nice face" again? I just seems so impossible...he is totally convinced that we are all out to get him and make his life miserable...especially me. It hurts a lot.

And By the way...I must admit, the comments that Im not supposed to say (AND I DIDNT SAY THEM...) were the first to come to mind! The "this was your choice" and the "you could fix this by coming home and making things better"! Thank god I have learned that from DB and the board!

Thanks again for your continued help and support....