Okay, I'm finally back at home. And for the first time EVER, my puppy made it the entire ride without getting sick!

It's the little things! smile

I spent a good amount of time on the way home just kinda staring off into the horizon, deep in though... no music... no distractions... (I wasn't driving by the way!) kinda taking an inventory of me today vs me 5 months ago.

I feel it was a good experience, and it definitely helped me to get back to the mindset I need to be in.

I also realized that I haven't been setting too many long term goals outside of my sitch... I mean I have the obvious goal of reconciliation and building anew, but I can only do 50% of the work there...

I realized that I'm still in the house that W and I shared during our M... going month to month because I didn't want to commit to another lease in case the sitch changes. I think that needs to stop now... It's keeping me in a state of semi-limbo... I know I can find another place that's less expensive than this one... maybe even one that has a bigger yard for my little pup.

I also realized that, once melancholy started setting in, I glazed over a few great things that happened this weekend. I made several new friends at the party I went to and had literally hours upon hours of fantastic conversations... none of which involved my sitch! That was a hell of a relief.

Then, yesterday at the bar, when a friend who I haven't discussed the sitch with asked about it, I was able to talk in generalities about the progress I've made, my goals and actions... and for the first time, I got a "Wow, you seem really strong in this... I admire your conviction" That made me feel pretty good.

So all that reflection helped even me out a bit... I'm getting better at correcting these "tailspins". Now, I can just miss my W without beating myself up over things I should have or shouldn't have done or said... I can see that I've always tried my hardest, and now I'm getting a better set of tools to use now and in the future.

There's still a part of me, which I never think will go away, that says I should reach out just to say hello. To check in and let her know I'm thinking of her... But I know she knows that... and hell, if she doesn't realize I'm thinking of her and missing her, then she's way further down the path than I realized!

Thanks for reading my random musings. And thanks to each of you who help hold me up through these times.