Staying off the ride 2 - Leaning Back

[tori2012]

Tumbling, I see how you're growing and learning. I'm happy for you. And I hope you get this job! Wouldn't that be awesome?

Yes, it's VERY important that your H feels good about himself when he's around you. That's what my coach always said.

Keep up the great work and awesome attitude!

[Tumbling]

Thanks Tori.
I'm so glad he called. I was alittle anxious around 1845.
I would have slammed the door if he hadn't.

The job vacancy has blown my mind. I showed job description to some close friends at work & they said "Tumbling, it's yours and if it isn't then there's something dodgy going on". I sent it to a close mate and H too at lunchtime with email title "OMG - this has my name on it - going to apply" I didn't see a reply from H. I didn't bring it up on the phone but H did. He said "Tumbling, I saw that vacancy. I replied to your email but I'm not sure you got it." "What did it say?" "I think it's perfect for you. No one else can have all the skills they are looking for, only you" I said "yeah, but there are always fastballs. I've been there before. But it's exciting, if I had done a PhD I wanted to study their policies. Just a long way but I don't believe the job has to be done in the office, maybe they will be flexible" He said "That's something I'm sure you can negotiate."
I was pleased he was so positive about it.
Trying not to think what his reaction or what 3hrs away might mean in a negative sense.
What will be, will be.

[Wendylon]

Gosh, Tumbling, a lot seems to have changed quickly in your sitch! You're texting for hours, talking... It sounds as if he's being more pro-active and the one coming up with excuses to get in touch. It all sounds great. You also sound very clear on what you were doing that was off-putting to your H.

It's great too that you're excited about applying for the job. Not only will it help you with your GALing but it really shows that you are GAL! It seems that your H responded v positively to that.

[Tumbling]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...665#Post2278665

Labug, here's my first post - it explains what was going on with us and what I did to break my husband - all because of my abandonment button that he unconsciously and unwittingly set off.

You helpfully sent Accuray to my thread in my early days here and he provided great insight to what was happening and how we triggered each other. I saved it to my phone for reference.

Thinking about it, my alarm's battery isn't dead yet - hence all this fretting about what to do - but I am much more aware and in control of it thanks to everyone's help here.

You are all so supportive, I am truly grateful.

Who knows what will happen next. Like I said before I'm more focused on me and aware of what I want/don't want. Thanks to GAL, I am more Self centred and loving my life whether H is in it or not. I am fine.

He even commented tonight
"you seem v busy, I don't know when you're free to see me".
and I rattled off "well, I'm out tonight, in tomorrow but have spanish homework to do, spanish weds, so thursday if that's any good to you?"

This is different to previously when I was very available and left holes in my w/e just incase. Life's too short for that. I want to stay like this - Tumbling centred not R centred - and just see what happens.

I want things to go slow with H. He will have to show that he's worthy of my time and a space in my life (after all his crap this year) whilst I show I am an amazing and much gentler human being to be around.

I hope you will all stick with me still and not let me get back on the ride.

PS I'm so busy/focused now - I feel like I don't have time for a relationship?!?

[Tumbling]

Thanks Wendylon for dropping by.
I did "engineer" it a little. I hope you will forgive me but I am leaned back now. I have realised tonight that I "help" things w hooks as I don't trust his feelings for me. Still more inner work for me to do re abandonment.

Yes, H was very positive about job and I have just read his email. It said "Wow! That job is perfect for you. It has everything you love all rolled into one :)" So not only did he recognise my skills in the phonecall but he truly knows what I am passionate about and what does it for me in a job. I'm not sure I know him so well...

[labug]

Thanks for updating me. Reading so many of these threads it's hard to keep up.

Sounds like you've done some good work on yourself.

Just protect yourself from expectations.

[tori2012]

I see only positive things in your sitch, Tumbling. Your GAL'ing is paying off. And I remember having the same feeling when my H seemed more interested: do I have time? Do I WANT to have time for him? It was like a flashing thought in my head, and I would quickly squash it. I don't know why I had these thoughts. In my case, they might've been steered by my fear of getting hurt again...

[afa75]

You have had a busy week, mostly with positives. Happy for you!

((( )))

[Tumbling]

Just journalling
Update
Usual good mornings yesterday
Nothing last night from either of us, nor today so far.
I was busy on the phone to gf from 830-1030pm (evidence of Tumbling the Chatterbox) so too late to do any good night stuff anyways

This is hard for me but I am managing my expectations.
Accuray said that I should try to manage my "hunger" for attention. So I am posting here instead of contacting H.
He said he would phone before Thursday at the end of our conversation on Monday. I said "O, really?" and he said "Yes to confirm arrangements". I'm not bothered if he doesn't tho would like to know what time he is thinking of coming over.

Question/Advice
It's been very freeing mentally not to be around H
I havent had to watch my words incase they have a negative effect
I felt self conscious on the phone
I don't want to feel constrained tomorrow night
Do I need to prepare some ansas in case he asks anything?

[Wendylon]

Well done, Tumbling, for coming here instead of contacting your H!

I thought of you this morning when I felt like contacting my H. It can feel soo uncomfortable to sit tight.

What sort of questions do you think he may ask? Which ones do you think you'd have trouble answering?

I'd wait for him to get in touch even if he hasn't by Thurs evening. (Much easier to recommend that to you than do it myself!)

I went back to the beg of your thread. There have definitely been occasions when your H steps up to the plate. I'm curious to see how he responds to leaned back Tumbling.