Just a quick check in. I advertised for some more students today. The cleaning lady cleaned!!!! Yay!!! I took that time to write up some ads and post them on local homeschooling/asperger forums.

I had an afternoon free which is really weird on a Monday and enjoyed it by taking a nap. I received the book "Private Lies" but don't feel ready to jump into it. The parts about a romantic affair and how INFatuated H may feel--just not in a good place today to go there.

Had a few moments of sad today--this afternoon when my student left and D10 and I were alone.

Still scared about money, doesn't look like I will be able to pay the mortgage this month---but have a 10,000 stock check coming in November--hopefully November. The house is in H's name and I've noticed he's getting quite a few credit card/loan offers of late.

Maybe one late payment will put a stop to that. Don't want drug abusing, grass ho, MLC H to have any opportunity to put some stupid, big a$$ thing on credit.

Still, I'm somehow trusting that I, yes ME, will figure it out! Feels a little Weird. SOOOOOOOO weird trusting myself to figure out how to bring in more money.

Have this floating anxiety that another bomb will drop any moment. Haven't had any drama from H in a few weeks and I keep expecting to hear that he introduced the OW to his parents or was at some party down the street OR... But, I can't control it. What I've noticed for me, with each super dramatic REVEAL, I've felt awful at first, but once the reality and not the drama of the event sunk in, I was OK. I mean when I saw OW and H together, it hurt like hell... especially when they were whispering under the hood of the car as if THEY were married... BUT, once it settled in, I realized I didn't learn anything I didn't already know and I was able to sort out my panic from reality. It's like I react with the pain and hurt of a child...but once it subsides some, the grown up me is able to look at it with some perspective. Still hurts though and I guess that's what I'm afraid of ultimately, getting hurt again.

One Day at a Time.

Heather

"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson