first time need help - still (new thread?)

[Albuquerque]

i do not feel confident he gets it -

i wonder if he thinks i can and will accept the ow thing.

i wonder if he thinks because i don't resist- fight, bring it up, etc.

i think he thinks he will always have everything he wants - me included - for as long as he wants. )

It's work. You know it's work. But look at what you're expending energy on. Wondering about his thinking. Sadly, it's absolutely pointless. He's on the crazy train and actions will make no sense. You will spin yourself into the ground trying to understand. Use your energy to work on what YOU are going to do. How are YOU going to live on? How are YOU going to change?

When my H was in the midst of crazy town, he'd literally hop off the plane from having seen OW (he didn't know I knew) and rush to meet me and D at our weekly sushi restaurant. I never understood why he did so. And even though I could ask him now, (and I've considered it), I still haven't. I think the reason I haven't is because he'd probably say he never remembered doing it and would have no idea why. Sometimes even being able to get the answers can be very unrewarding. So don't think about logic. There likely is none.

it's all pathetic . sometimes i'm pathetic ( in very private) - thanks

We've all been there. We've all felt that way. Doing it in private is the only way. And then once we've had our pity party, we realize we have to dust ourselves off and keep moving forward.