"Okay so you want a kick start…here goes. (Note: what you put in to YOU is what you will be out – so you give half ass effort…you end up with a half a** AA)."
In research they termed this^^^GIGO> Garbage in garbage out.... Eric asked that I check your thread. As a Latino myself I know how that pride can mess with you. Put it aside for now...It will not help you.
The more you focus on her the more difficult this will be. So its time to just think about you besides two broken people can't repair a M.
The fears you have are normal. I'm 16 months into this, divorced and exw is moving out this week. I have those fears and that is all they are. Those fears are the things you tell yourself, many of those thoughts are irrational. Challenge them by asking yourself "what's the worse that can happen" if this or the other occurs.
Someone early on told me to "drop the gun". Didn't know what tha hell that meant. To me it started to make sense. It meant to stop fighting and controlling the sitch. I started to tell myself this "It is what it is and it will all work out". So far it has.
GAL buddy and do it hard, let the unoverse take care of you. Let go.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Thanks man, your support is appreciated. I have left the pride, any pride being latino or not out time ago. If I would had any kind of pride, I would "LET GO AND LET GOD" but I didn't. I begged, I pressured, I accepted her terms and many other bad things. It became an obssesion, an addiction to be with her no matter what. Pride, selfsteem, self control, love for my self, they all went out the door when XW left me.
The only place I have found true refuge is in the Lord. I still feel the pain for the lost person. I guess that is normal, but I do not want to feed that pain and become suffering. I have found peace, and strenght for everyday in the Lord. I can not say I am 100% percent where I want and should be with my relationship with my God, but it is a work in progress.
One thing, I will let God take care of me and the rest will fall in place at his time, not mine. I tried with my own efforts and they all failed, now I will work under His terms and allow my self to be transformed. It is as many said "Help your self, and God will help you". My time to put my share to fix my self.
My other question has to do with her drug use. Did she tell you she was using drugs? and what kind? Did she have a history of drug use? Family history?
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
One more thing. She refuses to accept she is back into doing drugs. The man that went to her apartment when I was picking up my SS14 to take him to school. This man is a known "pusher".
Her S24 told me about her going back to drugs a few months ago, and it bothered me, so I started asking around to confirm and it was confirmed thru friends and relatives as well as some neighbors seeing this man going to my house quite often after we separated. This is not the OM she left me for, just so you know.
One thing she did confesed was that she was drinking a lot. Something we never did.
Does she have access to your bank account? The way you describe her sounds like she is deep into if. I would protect my finances. She needs to want to stop the drug use. If I were u I would attend an Alanon meeting to get an understanding of drug use and support. Is OM a drug dealer?
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
No she is got no access to anything of mine. And I do understand she has to come to her knees and accept she is got a problem with drugs.
Regarding OM, I really do not know much about him. I believe he is a contractor of some sort, but not really sure.
I do have a sense more of less on drug use, I come from a "barrio" where drug use is the daily bred. Also, my younger brother is a drug addict himself, he knows he is, but just does not wants to end it.
It is a pretty though spot and situation XW is, it is a good suggestion to attend one of this Alanon groups to find answers on how to approach this problem.
A good book for you to pick up would be "codependant no more". I think you will find that this book will show you things about the dynamics in your R that you need to really see.
Rick - thanks for chiming in. I am sure you can help AA, especially with GAL ideas
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I have been pretty busy here at work, I am working pretty long hours and have not the chance to really sit with my self and dig deep inside what the questions you asked.
I have looked at them, and they are really hard to answer. I do not even I have a clue on how to start. I guess by saying this I am telling a lot.
I appreciate what you are doing for me, the help you are giving me and the challenges you present with your quesitons to really discover who I am.
