greymeadow, I'm very sorry you are here, but you are among friends. Each and every poster is on the path of discovery. Your journey has now begun and so has your wife's journey. You will not be invited on her journey through her crisis.
The best advice that I can give you for right now is give her plenty of space and time. Do not contact her unless it is an emergency or if there are bills that need her attention. The more time she has alone, the better the chances that she will miss you.
No, trying to get pregnant is not what started her crisis. What happened the last 18-24 months prior to her flipping the switch for mlc?
Do not share this site or the DB books w/her. They are the only tools that you will have to get through this. Information you receive here is not to be shared w/her at this time.
Do not discuss the relationship, marriage or reconcillation w/her at this time. These topics will push her further away from you and will give her fuel for her fire, i.e., justification for leaving you. She's not ready to discuss them w/you at this time. Stick to topics such as the weather, travel, etc.
Many of the mlcers will come "home" to clean and put things away as if they are storing them away for a holiday or season. It could very well mean that she's closing down shop, so to speak and moving on or it could also mean that she was bored to death and came over to do something nice and make sure things were neat and tidy. Be sure you let her know that you noticed and thank her.
The gifting is guilt. She's trying to find a way to make herself feel better about the affair. Many of them do this.
The journey in the land of MLC is not for the faint of heart. It is one of the hardest and longest trips that you will take. You will need to dig deeper into your inner self for patience and compassion.
What should you be doing? Be a friend, listen to her and validate and affirm her thoughts and feelings. After all, what she shares w/you is how she feels right now, even though it is memorex and not "live". Keep calls and text messages to a minmum. But most importantly, keep the focus on you and your family. Make sure you are eating, drinking plenty of fluids and getting plenty of sleep. This is the time where you should pull out that old list of things to do and get started on them.
You didn't break her, therefore, you can't fix her. The only person you can fix is yourself. There might be some things that you may want to change in your own life. If so, do them for you and make them permanent, don't change if you think that this is a way to win your wife back. Why? She will know what you are doing. If you set boundaries, stick to them, i.e., do not waffle. In order for her to learn to respect you, you have to respect yourself. Now, buckle up and get ready for the ride of your life.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
