Man... you really need to detach. Read up on a thousand threads here on the subject...
That being said, I'll try to answer a couple of your questions.
When the communication is about your son, you DO NOT "play games" or wait to respond... It's not your job to teach her a lesson by witholding information on your son.
Plus, you complain that she's not a good mother, but when she does reach out to find out about her son, you're waiting to get back to her? Doesn't make a lot of sense here.
What are you doing to enable her? You're allowing her to occupy your mind ALL the time... You spend a lot of time saying what she should do, what she shouldn't do, how she should or shouldn't act... but you need to realize that NOTHING you say or do can change what she says or does at this point.
You need to focus on YOU and your SON... Detach your emotions as much as you can from your W so she doesn't continue to have such amazing power over you.
It's been said a million times, but it's true: GET A LIFE! The more you stay busy on things FOR YOU, the easier it will be to step back from the emotional turmoil you're putting yourself through.
And keep posting, and read other people's threads. It will help you more than you know.
