Staying off the ride 2 - Leaning Back

[Tumbling]

Thank you SS, Labug, Tori and Lisa7 for your comments

I don't know why he sometimes doesn't want to talk on the phone - we have never fought etc. We used to talk for hours when we first got together. He does know me pretty well and that I am a chatterbox so perhaps he just didn't want endless tumbling chatter...? Who knows, I will ask somewhen why he sometimes doesn't feel like talking

We text for 83mins last night w no pauses (SS, there isn't and never has been an OW - we had that convo in Dec2010). It definitely would've been quicker by phone! We didn't cover any of the admin stuff instead we had good friendly banter. Strangely I enjoyed it. I think what I don't like is sending a text and getting no ansa.

So tonight he called at 1900hrs as planned
That was alittle strange - not easy to be normal with the water that has flown under the bridge - I guess. Bit like when you first start seeing someone and don't know what to talk about.

An amazing thing happened today. My ideal job was advertised - coms for a gvmt cetacean agency, looking for someone who might also speak french (i do) or spanish (just started!). How freaky is that? It's in a city 3hrs from here - starting in Feb. I'm going to apply. H and I can work out the logistics if we reconcile and if not - well there's my new life potentially.

Labug, you asked what did I do wrong (my mess) and what have I done to change that? I was very selfish in my marriage. I wrote about it before - I will find the post later...but generally:

I didn't understand how tiring his job was - sometimes he would go away for weeks or just a couple of days across the world - but I didn't accept that that meant he needed to wind down when he returned so would jump about being me and demanding we do couple things. Since he left 180'd that and asked how he was feeling before I asked to do something. All I really wanted was to hang out together but always demanded an activity (that's cos that's what my dad with me and made me feel loved - one of my LL)

I didn't respect him as his own person and instead expected him to be like me - so I didn't get why he wouldn't like/do things that I wanted to do. Hence the compromise I found last night.
Why should my need to talk be more important than his need to relax and text?

I didn't think about there being 3 entities in our relationship - me, him and the relationship. I've learned that too and decisions need to be good for all 3.

I basically wasn't a grown up and gave him hell! I wouldn't have wanted to be married to me. I was always making him feel bad and not good enough - his words. I was driven by some insecurity that I have worked through with my IC

So he's coming over Thursday night to get mail and we might get takeout