He's still seeing the OW correct? Well set the time that he is allowed to see the kids. He's now allowed to see them whenever he feels like it. Keep the schedule tight. When he does come over, make sure you look amazing and maybe have a little makeover to show him that you're not the same old person you were before.
On one of those occasions, tell him to watch the kids because you're going out and then kiss the kids and leave without telling him where you're going. Go out with a friend and have a nice dinner, see a movie, just something that will get your mind off of things for awhile. You show him that you aren't at his beck and call.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Anyone with school-aged children...? Have any of you seen or heard from your children's teachers about differences they've noticed at school? Or, at home?
My middle S is really taking a backslide in school even though it's only been 9 weeks. He already sees the GC at school but he is hypersensitive and has been shutting down academically, behaviorally difficult and has no interest in school at all.
My H doesn't think it has to do w our sitch. I beg to differ- at least in part. (We don't fight AT ALL at home, but from time to time my kids see me get emotionally upset and KNOW it's b/c of "daddys' problems."
I don't think it is possible to love your children TOO much. We are planning to tell them that their dad is moving out this weekend and I am SOOO concerned what impact this will have on him (and his brothers as well).
I am so sad for them...for our family...for me.
I want to be strong, but...
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
My oldest started kindergarten this year and so far he is doing well in school. In the last couple of weeks he has had a couple of issues at home and my w is well aware of it. The only thing I can say is I don't recommend putting the blame on the WAS. They see it too and and they will have to deal with their actions. They need time and space. All you can do is love your children more than ever. Yours are old enough to be able to express their feelings and I would encourage them to do that with you and your h. Right now that is your connection to your h. Use that to your benefit rather than driving the wedge between the two of you even deeper.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
My H was nice to me this weekend...unusually nice. I think it is the guilt of his impending move-out (-2 weeks away).
He gave me a compliment (I'm guessing you'll be the best-looking female at the camp-out this weekend.) He unpacked all our camping gear (my youngest S and I went on a scout sleepover Sat night). He gave me hugs.
One strange comment last night..."I'm guessing that you're probably pretty happy that I'm not comm w the OP outside of work now? ..except for the fact that I'm not moving out." I didn't know how to respond except, "yes, your not comm w her outside of work is good."
He cancelled his email account that he had set up over the summer to privately comm w her. (Good?) ...but he set up another account (I'm not sure why but he said just to have & gave me the address) (BAD?)
Both of us are in agreemt that we don't want a lot of people to know that he has moved out (no one non-essential). In fact when we tell boys on Sat he wants to ask them to not share the fact that he has moved out w their friends. I do not think he should do that, as THEY may find comfort in talking w friends about this over time. I don't want them to feel as though they need to "hide" something or be ashamed (for this has NOTHING to DO W THEM!).
Again, I'm sure my H's positive behavior has to do w his being able to move out soon and I think he's very much looking forward to that.
I hope that his "hype" of the move-out will be followed by a quick let-down.
Does anyone else think we need to have a "tight" visitation schedule? H will only vist boys at our house and my presence is okay if I want to be there or I can choose to NOT be there during his time w them. Right now we don't have anything in place about the weekends yet.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
I'm not sure this should be taken as advice as I'm pretty much all over the place in my sitch but W and I didn't set visitation times and she comes over whenever she wants/can. It's not been excessive anyway and the odd time, I don't mind being around. I just keep busy in another room or sometimes, when it's appropriate, we do stuff together like have dinner or play a game.
At other time, like tonight, I wish she hadn't been here when I got home and I wasn't feeling well so I went straight to bed. She eventually came in the room to make sure I was ok and that was nice if painful.
It's all up to what you can take in the end. I know that at one point, I might consider a stricter schedule, to make sure I can make plans with D8 without worrying about W coming around just as we are leaving and seeing D8 having to make a choice.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Hey Turtlegirl, Just thought I'd drop in to see how you are doing? Not long now. There's a couple of things I want to pull from your last post
Originally Posted By: turtlegirl
He cancelled his email account that he had set up over the summer to privately comm w her. (Good?) ...but he set up another account (I'm not sure why but he said just to have & gave me the address) (BAD?)
We have all looked for signs and still do if we are honest but the truth of the matter is we just have to accept the "isness". SD suggests thinking when we notice something "how interesting" with no judgement.
I found that judgement meant I was not accepting something and would cause me uncomfortable emotions esp when I judged something as "bad". We can get really upset if we think bad thoughts about something. The something itself is actually neutral - it's the thoughts that cause us the rollercoaster feelings. Nothing is good or bad it just is and interesting.
My H opened a credit card that I had no access to when he moved out. He was only meant to go for a month or two but I took delivery of a TV after 3 weeks (unannounced) that he later collected. I worried what that meant. He said he was bored!
Originally Posted By: turtlegirl
I hope this hype re move-out will be followed by a quick let-down.
It may, it may not. It will take as long as it takes. We went NC the first month - every day crawled for me - H told me when we spoke again that time had gone so quickly for him he couldn't believe a month had passed! Thanks. It was after two months that he started thinking about what it might mean long term.
Suggest you make plans for you for November so you have exciting things to look forward to. This is YOUR chance too. I have done alot of refinding hobbies and stuff I like to do that I let go of living with H. Stuff I won't let go of again.
HTH ((((Turtlegirl)))) We are here for you
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
One thing I have realized is that my time & energy & thoughts are primarily focused on my H & our sitch pretty much since BD over 4 months ago.
This means my 3 boys have been secondary. I'm starting to feel VERY guilty about that. Esp. since my middle S is now having difficulty in school. My oldest S (13) is turning into a true teenage & we have very few real conversations (even though I try to talk to him/ with him).
With my H's moving out the top priority for me is to reinvest my time and energy into my kids. Reconnect- play with them- talk to them- LOVE them even MORE.
I feel like my H has sucked the life out of me and I've had no real joy since he shut down on me (about last christmas).
I want to feel joy again, experience laughter again, look forward to each day, rather than just trying to get through it and cross it off the calendar.
It is not fair to them that their dad has basically emotionally abandoned them (and me). I need to be strong and stable for them.
I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS W/O DENYING MY INNER FEELINGS OF HURT.
H said this morning that strangely, he thinks the boys will become his top priority when he moves out. Interesting that he thinks being a part time dad is going to be a top priority. I don't get his thinking at all.
As he gets closer to the move-out date he seems happier...I on the other hand feel worse and worse.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
My W was very happy when she moved out...almost euphoric...most of that has faded she moved out in the end of August...she now is in the day to day drudgery of life...when she has the girls she is realizing that that time is much more intense in many ways...I think she thought it would be a time for her to bond more it hasn't. My daughters hate going over there be patient and the best you can be. He has an idealistic view of how this is going to be it is not always the case. My W was emotionally devoid as well for years...made the girls bond more with me and less with her..
