first time need help - still (new thread?)

[Albuquerque]

Nero,

First of all, you just need to breathe.....................

This is not easy. We can't all do everything "right" all the time. We're human, we have emotions. This is not easy. Don't beat yourself up. It wasn't a great interaction yes, but we move forward.

Phone calls - If you know this is how most phone calls will go, it is in YOUR best interest to not answer. I sense that you feel that answering will somehow help to bring him back. If this is how the calls will go, then NO!!! Do not answer. Detach detach. He can leave a message. If it's important, you can call when YOU'RE ready to talk.

MLC Actions - They are crazy. That's it. Their brains are misfiring and their actions WILL MAKE NO SENSE. You will never understand because they don't either. DO NOT TRY TO UNDERSTAND IT! You will not. The only thing you can understand is that they are crazy. And despite the face of emotionless banter they display, they are often dying inside. We just don't often see that part.

And as for your conversations with him, you need to not talk about the R. Even about the OW. It's out there. It's known. If you don't want to talk to him because of her, then don't talk to him. But there is no need to TELL HIM THAT IS WHY. In doing that, you are only trying to manipulate him into feeling guilt. And when he doesn't it makes you feel worse. This [censored]. Totally. That's why you need to focus on YOU. Work on YOU. Find an outlet, a hobby, work on YOUR shortcomings. You don't need to ACT like you're having a fun life with out him. You have to HAVE a fun life without him. It's hard work. But it is possible. And it's the only way YOU will make it out of this with some sanity and self improvement.

*Hugs*