Just wanted to ask for some input. I'm a talker by nature, I think most women are. My H is a typical man, hates the relationship talks. I know that's a generalisation but I believe there to be an element of truth in that.
I've been thinking about my H, where he's at in the world, the fact that he is likely to be hurting too and how I should be treating him with compassion. I hate his behaviour but not him. I have also reflected on my own behaviour, not just in our M but also in the recent past since revelations of two OW and his infidelity and moving in with OW2 and her two kids. Truthfully, whilst I think most "normal" people would understand my fear, anger, etc I also have come to recognise that those people who are truly enlightened would not think my behaviour/attitudes are without blame. In fact I think I have been a total b**ch at times.
So, I have decided no more rage directed at him or OW2, no more blame. I want to be accountable for what I did to hurt him (though I don't really know all of it and am guessing, and he is done with talking) both in the past and now.
Do I just say sorry? Or do I just leave it? I keep thinking he probably won't hear me or think I am trying to manipulate him. I also think I can tell him this at a later date.
My trouble is that I am so impatient! I'd just like to hear what some of you guys think.
Truthfully since I decided to stop focusing on my pain, and to think about being compassionate and loving, my head has been in a better place. Of course, still moments of fear, anxiety, tears but overall this is an improvement on last week. I've realised this is an opportunity for me to grow, I've been so self absorbed, it's almost liberating in a way. You don't get a pass like this from your family and friends so if I can't learn about being a better me then what else can I do?
