Time for an Introduction...and Thanks

[figure-it-out]

Journaling:
Another weekend, another roller coaster ride. H took S this weekend to his "place" again except this time was to introduce him to GF. No heads up given to me. I should expect it I guess.

Since H took S there for the first time last weekend I have made a concerted effort to really detach this week. H texted a few questions regarding his preliminary declaration paperwork at the beginning of the week to which I responded with basically one word answers. I did not text to ask if he was taking S to practice at all this week and surprise, surprise, he didn't show up anyway.

I made sure I was not home when he arrived on Sat. to pick S up. He then texts me "are you mad at me is that why you weren't home"? Seriously...I responded "nope, had somewhere to be".

Made sure I wasn't here when he dropped S off today either. He did give D $100 when he came for a trip to the mall and gave S some money as well.

I asked S if he went to H's place again this weekend and he said yes. I asked him if he met H's roommate and he said yes. I asked him how that went and he said it was a girl and he started crying when they met. I asked him why and he said he told H because it wasn't right, that it wasn't mom. Talk about breaking my heart.
S said H told him to give her a chance that H understood how hard it was. S said they were all going to go out to dinner but when he started crying she left.

I don't know if it was the right thing but I ended up telling D. I did not want her to have to hear it from S and I knew from last weekend when S found out H was not living with his mom that H would not be the one to tell her. He would let S do it. D was very quiet. She didn't cry or get upset. She just stared at me. I told her I was sorry and had hoped things would be different.

So, it's all out in the open. Right now I do not even want to see or talk to H. I know I have to but I am just so sad for my children (and me)

I know I have to set my boundaries. I have been very lax on those but feel I am almost forced to now that the kids know what going on. I need to take H's garage door opener so he isn't able to come in as he likes. I need to change the code on the keypad so he does not have free access. I need to ensure H starts abiding by the terms we discussed when working on our settlement. Particularly around the time he has S. That alone will give me more time to GAL.

I do still want a marriage to my H but it seems so hopeless right now.