Creating your own Closure

[forward]

I think closure comes quietly for many, and over time. Detaching is important as it allows us to find ourselves again and start living a life that is not focused on the former spouse. One has to do this to grow and be able to look at the spouse and R with a less emotional and more objective eye.

It's baffling to realize that our spouses are peculiar blends of who we knew. It's hard to recognize some of the particularly unkind things that they might have done are acts of the same person who might have been wonderful for us once. These things take a long time to come to terms with. And it's OK if it takes a long time.

I would be lying if I didn't admit that I have some moments of "What if...". But now I see them as just that: moments, pangs of regret or even fantasy that pass.

I feel sorry for X, but I also realize that pity and love aren't the same thing. What we need is not necessarily what we want. And I think I understand what I NEED better now. X is not capable of being the kind of man that I need.