My M can be saved, but I need your help/advice!!!

[ericmsant2]

MIR

Dude I really struggled with what to post to you. I am torn, I really am. Part of me is trying to sympathize with where YOU are in your journey. THe other part of me wants to shack you silly and tell you EXACTLY what to do.

Look man, you have to give up the idea that anything you do is going to be the reason that she leaves. Doing this keeps you walking on egg shells man.

I was under the impression that trying to avoid her from seeing OM was a very short term thing. It seems to be dragging on a bit much.

Also, the biggest I noticed in your post was...ANGER, which FTR is a good thing if USED PROPERLY!

Here let me show you something...

and alot has to do with the "biased shoulder" in a family member of hers that totally needs to get the F*$k out of our
business.

Unfortunately this wont happen and I really two people against me here. In this person's eyes, my W can do no wrong and they are living vicariously through my W and this whole situation.

The comments up there imply anger at her friends or family. Personally, I think you are misdirecting the anger.

1) Your W is a grown women. Stop blaming her family and friends for HER CHOICES.

2) Stop making your W a victim so that you can have compassion for her. She is making these choices - NOT YOU.

A few more points...

I noticed a bit of a victim mentality in what you wrote. You are only a victim if YOU choose to be on.

Personally, I think you are angry at yourself. I think you are angry because YOU feel somewhat helpless, because YOU are afraid and because you have lost some of your footing. So the anger is directed at her family instead of at you.

You are at a crossroads MIR...at least IMO. You want to wait to confront but you are not seeing that waiting is benefiting you. You want to confront but are scared and so now you are walking on egg shells and now you feel if you do X, Y or Z, or 1..that that will be the reason for her to leave.

IMO, the reason she is going to consider the OM the better option comes down to one word.

ATTRACTION

Buddy, you can wine and dine her, you can take her and her friends on trips, you can try to show her a great time. It will all be for nothing UNLESS you FEEL CONFIDENT, STRONG, and ATTRACTIVE to YOURSELF.

You see, the attraction should be internal. I am not saying be stuck up - no I am saying that when you truly love YOU, and truly KNOW in YOUR heart that YOU are a kick ass dude. well then..that comes across in your interactions with ANYONE. Your W will notice that and will (hopefully) be ATTRACTED to YOU.

So how does one do that...

1) Stop following her around.
2) Stop giving a chit about what she is doing.
3) Get to a place emotionally that you really like YOU.
4) Face your fear and ACCEPT that YOU CANNOT MAKE HER DOING ANYTHING.
5) Reconnect with you male body part aka. "nuts".

Find and fall in love with YOU MIR. Do whatever it take to do that...and then you will know what to do...and most importantly....

YOU will not be AFRAID!

I hope this helps.

Eric