Riding the Bull

[Arsene]

Thanks 25 for your concern,

Arsene,

so you know, the AD's effects are usually not felt in full, for weeks. However, when my dad died, I went on them for a few months. I didn't know how much I needed them until I took them, I swear I noticed a difference in less than a week but after 3 weeks, for the first time in a year, I found myself tapping the steering wheel to the radio. THAT was a huge change that I noticed then and there. Like 'wow, I AM better."

It would be nice if I could get to that point as well. I'm sure that a bit of worry-free time would help me detach as well.

Your financial situation concerns me in that you say you are actually not eating meat b/c it costs too much? How is your d's diet?

We still eat meat sometimes and we have three square meals at home with chicken once or twice a week and fish about once a week. I occasionally get ground beef to make us a shepherd's pie of spaghetti bolognaise and the rest is mainly local dishes bases on rice and veggies with tofu and soy based local food. As I said, we also eat lots of fruit and breakfast still consists of toast and peanut butter, cereal, oatmeal, a boiled egg or cheese omelet. We are not in the poor house but thanks for your concern.

How is your financial future looking, long term? Do you have any savings or a retirement plan? Do you plan on retiring there?

Long term, it's hard to tell. I have no pension or savings to fall back on. The plan when we were a family was to start some small business to see us through in our old age. All of our savings went in my trip to my own country (which I had to do as my dad was sick and my D9 had never met my family) and was spent by W and to settle me and D8 here. BTW, D8's education is taken care of with MIL's inheritance.

I ask for two reasons. One is the crass reason of wondering how your w feels about financial security or the lack thereof.

The other reason is concern for YOU. Is living there helping you or hurting you?

My W is struggling much worse than I am right now and working really hard to try to just live. For some reasons, she keeps telling me that she is happy so since it's her own choice, I'm not too worried about her. She looks and sounds like she wants to prove herself that she can manage on her own.

Our present financial struggle stems from the fact that I had to start from scratch and that I was/am on my own to take care of things. As a family, with both our incomes, we'd be fine but now, it'll probably take me til the new year to be back on my feet properly. I think that the fact that I'm here actually helps as my income is quite high for the little time I work. I could work a lot more but I also want to make sure that I'm there for D8 since her mom isn't. It's just that having to buy furniture and household stuff takes a chunk so I'm doing it little by little. Also, I'm not sure how much my Visa is going to cost yet so I need to plan for that as well.

Keep in mind that I've only been working for 7 weeks and gotten only one salary which was used to pay back small loans and to buy necessities as well as make the first payment on the house where we live. Next month will be easier.

Yes, it sounds very cheap to live there. But it also sounds really low paying and like there's not enough full time work. You tell me. Are you able to be gainfully employed there, able to save, able to own a home or save for one elsewhere?

In the past, as a family, we had a great life on my income. Now, I'm doing ok but spending more time with D8. Besides, I've got a few projects on the go (Band management, cafe management) which can offer good potential income.

Why not move to the other city your w refers to?

Even if not with her? (I am not sure that's a bad idea.)

If the reason you are staying around where you are, actually costs you financial security, then why do it?

Sounds as if your d will be better off in the other city

and if your w joins you there, she won't be around OM. Is it possible that's what she meant? NOT To suggest you mind read but it just occurred to me.

If she doesn't join you in the other city but you have d with you, you'll be giving her something to miss AND still be helping you and your d.

Maybe I misunderstood the advantages of the other city but they sounded good.
Just food for thought.

All good points,many of which I hadn't thought about. For the time being, I need to wait for D8 to finish her school next June. She is already struggling so I wouldn't want her to have more problems than she already has. Besides, administratively speaking, it might not be feasible right now for her to change school again this year. W just went through hell to get the papers to finally make her a legal student in her present school because we were in another country last year. Come next year? It might not be a bad idea. As mentioned earlier, D8 has already expressed that she doesn't like her school and wouldn't mind going elsewhere, regardless of whether or not her mom follows.

Thanks again for your concern and comments 25.