Riding the Bull

[Starsky309]

Life weights. 2x resistance to 1x cardio.


Starsky

[7720]

Hey Arsene...I went in and met with a doctor and just got my health checked out...if you are nervous maybe you should do that...a community health clinic probably does a sliding scale fee. I too was a 32 waist and am now a 31 and I think I have stabilized...when I can't make myself eat I have a protein shake...still eat meat though...

[25yearsmlc]

Arsene,

so you know, the AD's effects are usually not felt in full, for weeks. However, when my dad died, I went on them for a few months. I didn't know how much I needed them until I took them, I swear I noticed a difference in less than a week but after 3 weeks, for the first time in a year, I found myself tapping the steering wheel to the radio. THAT was a huge change that I noticed then and there. Like 'wow, I AM better."

Your financial situation concerns me in that you say you are actually not eating meat b/c it costs too much? How is your d's diet?

How is your financial future looking, long term? Do you have any savings or a retirement plan? Do you plan on retiring there?

I ask for two reasons. One is the crass reason of wondering how your w feels about financial security or the lack thereof.

The other reason is concern for YOU. Is living there helping you or hurting you?

Yes, it sounds very cheap to live there. But it also sounds really low paying and like there's not enough full time work. You tell me. Are you able to be gainfully employed there, able to save, able to own a home or save for one elsewhere?

Why not move to the other city your w refers to?

Even if not with her? (I am not sure that's a bad idea.)

If the reason you are staying around where you are, actually costs you financial security, then why do it?

Sounds as if your d will be better off in the other city

and if your w joins you there, she won't be around OM. Is it possible that's what she meant? NOT To suggest you mind read but it just occurred to me.

If she doesn't join you in the other city but you have d with you, you'll be giving her something to miss AND still be helping you and your d.

Maybe I misunderstood the advantages of the other city but they sounded good.
Just food for thought.

[Arsene]

CB, you may be on to something!

I've checked with a friend who's a doctor and it turns out I'm smack in the middle of normal Body weight for my height and actually healthier than most people ten year younger than me. I guess it's just that I've been on the edge of being slightly overweight all my life so now than I'm fine it feels and looks strange.

Had to resort to A/Ds again this afternoon but feel much better now. I hope it's just a phase.

[25yearsmlc]

CB, you may be on to something!

I've checked with a friend who's a doctor and it turns out I'm smack in the middle of normal Body weight for my height and actually healthier than most people ten year younger than me. I guess it's just that I've been on the edge of being slightly overweight all my life so now than I'm fine it feels and looks strange.

Had to resort to A/Ds again this afternoon but feel much better now. I hope it's just a phase.

if you are taking anti-anxiety meds, I can see why you'd take them "as needed". But if you are taking anti-depressants, that's a daily thing you take, that builds up over time.

Are you clear on your meds and presriptions? I'm not playing doctor, just wanting to make sure you are clear on which is which. I DID take some anti-anxiety meds to help me sleep and that was a Godsend (along with anti-depressants).

I guess in the old days you'd chug some whiskey for sleep, but my script seemed like a healthier choice.

And not sleeping well, over time, adds up to a lot of other problems, including not thinking or feeling as well as I needed to. I don't pooh pooh a lack of sleep or not eating right, as a small health issue. It stinks. (Though the weight loss had some advantages at first...I lost 15 lbs and some of that was good).

And as a parent, our children need us MORE at these times, not less.

Know what I mean? To my kids I must have seemed preoccupied when H was leaving or gone or not sure what he was doing...I wasn't fully present for my kids,

and the anti anxiety meds helped to keep me in check, so I could be with my kids and focus on them. Make sense?

[Arsene]

Thanks 25 for your concern,

Arsene,

so you know, the AD's effects are usually not felt in full, for weeks. However, when my dad died, I went on them for a few months. I didn't know how much I needed them until I took them, I swear I noticed a difference in less than a week but after 3 weeks, for the first time in a year, I found myself tapping the steering wheel to the radio. THAT was a huge change that I noticed then and there. Like 'wow, I AM better."

It would be nice if I could get to that point as well. I'm sure that a bit of worry-free time would help me detach as well.

Your financial situation concerns me in that you say you are actually not eating meat b/c it costs too much? How is your d's diet?

We still eat meat sometimes and we have three square meals at home with chicken once or twice a week and fish about once a week. I occasionally get ground beef to make us a shepherd's pie of spaghetti bolognaise and the rest is mainly local dishes bases on rice and veggies with tofu and soy based local food. As I said, we also eat lots of fruit and breakfast still consists of toast and peanut butter, cereal, oatmeal, a boiled egg or cheese omelet. We are not in the poor house but thanks for your concern.

How is your financial future looking, long term? Do you have any savings or a retirement plan? Do you plan on retiring there?

Long term, it's hard to tell. I have no pension or savings to fall back on. The plan when we were a family was to start some small business to see us through in our old age. All of our savings went in my trip to my own country (which I had to do as my dad was sick and my D9 had never met my family) and was spent by W and to settle me and D8 here. BTW, D8's education is taken care of with MIL's inheritance.

I ask for two reasons. One is the crass reason of wondering how your w feels about financial security or the lack thereof.

The other reason is concern for YOU. Is living there helping you or hurting you?

My W is struggling much worse than I am right now and working really hard to try to just live. For some reasons, she keeps telling me that she is happy so since it's her own choice, I'm not too worried about her. She looks and sounds like she wants to prove herself that she can manage on her own.

Our present financial struggle stems from the fact that I had to start from scratch and that I was/am on my own to take care of things. As a family, with both our incomes, we'd be fine but now, it'll probably take me til the new year to be back on my feet properly. I think that the fact that I'm here actually helps as my income is quite high for the little time I work. I could work a lot more but I also want to make sure that I'm there for D8 since her mom isn't. It's just that having to buy furniture and household stuff takes a chunk so I'm doing it little by little. Also, I'm not sure how much my Visa is going to cost yet so I need to plan for that as well.

Keep in mind that I've only been working for 7 weeks and gotten only one salary which was used to pay back small loans and to buy necessities as well as make the first payment on the house where we live. Next month will be easier.

Yes, it sounds very cheap to live there. But it also sounds really low paying and like there's not enough full time work. You tell me. Are you able to be gainfully employed there, able to save, able to own a home or save for one elsewhere?

In the past, as a family, we had a great life on my income. Now, I'm doing ok but spending more time with D8. Besides, I've got a few projects on the go (Band management, cafe management) which can offer good potential income.

Why not move to the other city your w refers to?

Even if not with her? (I am not sure that's a bad idea.)

If the reason you are staying around where you are, actually costs you financial security, then why do it?

Sounds as if your d will be better off in the other city

and if your w joins you there, she won't be around OM. Is it possible that's what she meant? NOT To suggest you mind read but it just occurred to me.

If she doesn't join you in the other city but you have d with you, you'll be giving her something to miss AND still be helping you and your d.

Maybe I misunderstood the advantages of the other city but they sounded good.
Just food for thought.

All good points,many of which I hadn't thought about. For the time being, I need to wait for D8 to finish her school next June. She is already struggling so I wouldn't want her to have more problems than she already has. Besides, administratively speaking, it might not be feasible right now for her to change school again this year. W just went through hell to get the papers to finally make her a legal student in her present school because we were in another country last year. Come next year? It might not be a bad idea. As mentioned earlier, D8 has already expressed that she doesn't like her school and wouldn't mind going elsewhere, regardless of whether or not her mom follows.

Thanks again for your concern and comments 25.

[tori2012]

Arsene, I've been thinking about you, and there are all these new posts! The only thing I can contribute is that I also lost a lot of weight and that's bc your body burns way more calories when you're under this crazy stress. I don't know if you cry, but crying also burns a lot of calories--I know by experience.

Also, I echo 25's concern about the meds. Wonder if you'd be better off with antianxiety meds.

The financial stress/living in a diff country, all that stuff is contributing to the stress in your W and you. Stay strong, and I know things will get better.

[chatterbug]

Stress will do many strange things to the body.

[Arsene]

if you are taking anti-anxiety meds, I can see why you'd take them "as needed". But if you are taking anti-depressants, that's a daily thing you take, that builds up over time.

Yeah, you are right, I'm on anti-anxiety meds (Xanax) but I'll talk again to my doctor cause it doesn't seem to work for too long.

And not sleeping well, over time, adds up to a lot of other problems, including not thinking or feeling as well as I needed to. I don't pooh pooh a lack of sleep or not eating right, as a small health issue. It stinks. (Though the weight loss had some advantages at first...I lost 15 lbs and some of that was good).

Likewise, the weight loss is welcomed right now but I hope I've lost all I ha to lose. Any more and it'll be too much. I started off at 75KG an I'm now at 63 KG. That's more than 25 lbs.

And as a parent, our children need us MORE at these times, not less.

Know what I mean? To my kids I must have seemed preoccupied when H was leaving or gone or not sure what he was doing...I wasn't fully present for my kids,

Yes I know and I live it too. Just the basic stress of trying to start over in this place is enough to preoccupy me but add to that the present sitch and I know D8 is not always getting the best of me she should.

and the anti anxiety meds helped to keep me in check, so I could be with my kids and focus on them. Make sense?

Yes, I understand and that is why I asked my doctor for this but I'm not much of a med taker and it worries me that I have to be down to this.

Thanks 25.

[Arsene]

Arsene, I've been thinking about you, and there are all these new posts! The only thing I can contribute is that I also lost a lot of weight and that's bc your body burns way more calories when you're under this crazy stress. I don't know if you cry, but crying also burns a lot of calories--I know by experience.

Also, I echo 25's concern about the meds. Wonder if you'd be better off with antianxiety meds.

The financial stress/living in a diff country, all that stuff is contributing to the stress in your W and you. Stay strong, and I know things will get better.

Thanks Tori. As it turns out I am on anti anxiety meds. I'm pretty confident I can manage the living here part as well as the financial aspect of it. I've been up and down with these all my life and was never a big worrier for such things. I know they tend to work themselves out.

It's just my W that I can't seem to get off my mind lately and yes, I've been crying more often lately. I don't know if I'm reaching a new stage in the development of my sitch or if it's because she had seemed to be coming closer lately and now she backed off. It might even be comments made by D8 lately, about her mom never being around anyway. I don't know. It's just a lot to take right now. I read my posts of a week ago and I felt so together and strong and now this.

I'll know I'm bound to bounce back.