The crack in my perfect life...

[Sweetbriar]

Acc..thanks for your response. I believe that you are correct about the phone call or text. Maybe I should have reached out and mentioned through text that he may want to contact her. Unfortunately, it got worse this morning after my post. D came downstairs crying, saying that H texted her and she responded that she was upset that he didnt text or call her last night and called him a sh*tty dad:( She also texted that she is pretty sure he was with his girlfriend.

I did not approve of this message, and thought it was harsh, but she had sent it already becuase she as angry. H then responded that he should have called but that he was busy with work all night and that he worked all day and all night with his head in a laptop. (of course, I dont believe this, but didnt say anything) and actually called my 14 yo D a "god da** ingrate". He has NEVER spoken to her like that. She was very upset. She wrote him back that he was a liar.

This was not the way I expected the convo to be when they did finally talk, so I guess I underestimated the anger she had over him not caring. He then continued to text her make excuse after excuse why he didnt call instead of just saying, Im sorry I didnt call or text you. Actions like this make me realize how far away he really is from the man I knew and the father they knew:(

About the GAling and 180's...I have been GAL the entire time he has been gone. I luckily have tons of friends and family who mean the world to me. I have always been a VERY social, active person, (which H hated sometimes that I always had to be busy) and have continued to remain that person even through this. My friends have been very helpful to make sure Im not falling apart at home all the time.

One 180 is that I have been working a TON. I used to work maybe 2 days a week as a sub teacher, and now I'm working almost every day of the week. This is something I will have to get used to eventually anyway, as I will have to go to work full time after the baby is born. The thing is, its been great working more to get me out and it makes the days fly by, but sub teaching can be feast or famine. Right now Im busy, but I could go weeks with only working 1 day a week...depending on the need for me. Im hoping to stay this busy at least through the holidays and then I can settle down more when the babys due date comes closer.

My personal goals seem to be harder to achieve right now. My self esteem really took a beating when H had the affair. I know that I am an attractive, fun loving girl, but sometimes it takes a lot to show that side of myself. I can tell you, that I have received more compliments on myself since H left than ever...and not just from people that know my situation. I have lost weight, or it could be the "pregnancy glow" (haha) but could I possibly look happier on the outside even though I'm falling apart on the inside? All my co workers at school tell me how well I'm taking all of this! They have no idea how sad I am on the inside, but I must hide it well!

I like your exercise idea! I'm going to try that for sure! I do believe that what you do can affect how you feel...for example, because of my current depression over my situation, cleaning and cooking have been LOW on my list of things I want to do...yesterday, I cleaned a lot and my house looked and smelled so good. It made my entire mood better and I even caught myself saying how beautiful of a home I do have when I'm keeping up with it!

Off to shop with my girls! Retail therapy is always nice:):)