You got it! Honestly I wish I will say I am with a wonderful man who loves holidays, birthdays, rainy days, me unconditionally, my kids, he's loyal, faithful, interesting, smart, loves vacations, and most of all has eyes and heart for only me, because he choose me , and it makes God smile smile
well my dear - i don't think i need to make a list- i'll just borrow yours if it's all the same to you. sounds like what i'd like to have in life also.
just returned from giant giant hate-fest at mom's. poor old thing- she honestly thinks she's has NEVER EVER said all her junk about my sister and her awful festival of gripes. GOD - i hope someone just chops my head off if i ever become like that. this business of life (what is left of it) being alllll about hate instead of remembering the good times- i hope i'm not like that.
now i'm thinking just this morning i said (to you) my h has destroyed all my happy memories. I'M CHANGING THAT to- has ruined them FOR NOW- I'M SURE at some point in time in my life i'll return to my normal self and not feel sorrow or bitter about him and residual fallout.
i need to remember to always always be vigilent and fight the urge to blame and hate. i see how awful it is- i wonder if inside, my mother even has a clue she's residing in the old hate-hotel or thinks she's happy. we can never ever make it thru any conversation lately without her spinning down the hate cindy road. which spins off into how much she thinks i LOOOOOVe her and make her feellike a queen(?) and protect and defend her(???) I never even have to say one word- honestly- she just makes up all this junk and heaps on the accusations til my head explodes and i respond. if she can get me screaming she's satisfied. maybe she just needs a giant reaction from someone and i'm the only one stupid enough to go around her??? GEEEEEZZZZZ- what a way to spend your last years.
anyway- i did some upholstery- it was going okay instead of the problem i had when i lfet it- so a good omen. i'm going to tidy this entire house and quit being down on myself for a messy housekeeper (oops - now whose JUDGEMENT would that be??? he may not be here- but his BLAME BLAME BLAME - is allover the place.
LOSE IT SUE - rite now- ala ka zam- ta da!!!!! i'm okay- you're okay- (rite?)
i'm outta here- act6ually getting stuff done- will return later when i take a break - in my sparkling clean tidy house
today- driving home from mom's for the very first time i considered actually thinking maybe i should just go ahead and sell out of this house and be done with every memory, every nook and cranny of my life that ever contained a momento or memory of h and run (*like the wind). just a thought- but didn't make me sad or shudder- starting to sound like a "maybe" course of action. God- did i just say that???
okay- onwrd & upward here - talked to my neice's baby just now- she wants to "come to my house" - i'd kill for a baby "fix" rite now. nothing but love- the way people should be!
(yyes , even when they're older than 3.5yrs!!!) in my land anyway-
