first time need help - still (new thread?)

[albamarie]

i am not sure there is something worth allllllllll this. the pain, uncertainty

I KNOW - RIGHT! We knew (at least I do) that there was some sucky times that "another" would have been much more fun to be with. Hey, this isn't our first rodeo we know other guys and what they had to offer, good w/the bad. And, we chose these A-holes. My ex-bf is married in the riches suburb - CEO of his firm. Is this Gods way or did I not follow His way -made my on choice to live with now?

I think we miss what was-what we believe could have continued to be. Also, I think it's the whole not coming to grips with the unfathomable sitch to begin with, the why, the WTF! For me it's also the ea/ow the jealousy of his time and attention going to sh!t leaving me as a LBS lonely and pissed.

It's also the effort of now who, what, might I have to go through to not be alone. I read someone here wrote:
"people like to stick with the devil we know, every relationship is going to come with baggage''

I feel like at least this is mine I'm fighting for, not some one yr guy who's gone off. It's the longevity - you understand that better than I do!

I'm not better here this morning - I just woke up and am writing before all my thought muck up my brain

Soo wounded are we all! I'm not that girl either, never had to search.

I DO NOT CARE ABOUT HIS JUNK in life - he is a bad person to let it spill onto and hurt me

Amen to that - last night my H said I'm the only one hurting from this, you know, BS, his HURT is what started all this in HIS junky life of poverty, LBS of a mother, depression, OCD, ect... I had some junk yea, but I grew up once I had a family!

lets make a pact that no matter what- five years from now in october we make sure to check back in here

You got it! Honestly I wish I will say I am with a wonderful man who loves holidays, birthdays, rainy days, me unconditionally, my kids, he's loyal, faithful, interesting, smart, loves vacations, and most of all has eyes and heart for only me, because he choose me , and it makes God smile

You make a list - It doesn't have to be with or without him just what "you" want my friend! Hope for a good day for all! It's sunny here as well gonna go blow the yard.