I talked to W last night and told her about d6 being unhappy at school and spending a lot of time in the "safe place" explained to W that the teacher tried to talk to her about it and d6 said she had a headache from the milk. W said she talked to d6 and said yes that is what she had...but when I talked to d6 it was because she had to go to Bruin house and be with W....
W and kids are coming over tonight for dinner and to carve pumpkins...I know W will tell me she is broke...In the past I helped her out but now I think she should just ask her parents for more money because she shows no interest in working for a living..when kids are with her they call me up asking for lunch money because mom has no money...I have to leave work and go to the school and put money in....
My kids C recommended we spend the holidays together as a family but I am dreading the awkwardness this holiday season...I know that W parents will want her to come over for holidays but I don't feel comfortable coming over to their house...I like them and get along well with them...it is just the situation right now.
oh boy- I am really nervous about tonight...My W is coming over with my girls and we are supposed to have dinner etc...I always put a lot of pressure on myself in these situations and I come of seeming sad, depressed or like a political canidate at a debate because I am trying not to screw up..My daughters start coaching me when my wife leaves the room- I feel like a boxer at the end of the round when the crew is working on him...they fix my hair my sweater and give me advice on what to say and do.. I know they are just trying to help but I don't know how to tell them to back off without hurting their feelings. Any advice? Anyone...
I think I will go out for a run and burn off some angst.
I am still under moderation and my post will probably show up too late for your evening yet I'll try to comment. I know what you describe. My approach is to ask myself: what do I have to lose? Nothing. The separation has already happened, it can't get much worse. If you don't feel comfortable talking to your wife then stay silent or listen to anything she would like to share with you. Don't assume that you depend on her judgment. If direct conversation with your wife is too difficult then just joke with your daughters.
7720, think of it as fishing without a rod and reel. You're waiting for her to jump in the boat. As you can imagine, that takes a LOT of patience and little action on your part
Good analogy AS. That is where extreme patience and GAL come in handy.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
I meant to ask you 7720, What have you done as far as 180s? I'm asking as this might help you relax around your wife. I know I used to be like you and always walk on egg shells whenever she was around. Now, I've done so many positive changes in myself that I'm confident in just being this new improve/improving me. If she gets upset over anything nowadays (which she hasn't in a while) I just know that there is nothing I could have done to avoid it as I am always calm, listening, validating and usually an overall loving, pretty upbeat nice guy. I even find that sometimes it helps diffuse potential situations. I read somewhere that "the way you look at people changes them".
Take care mate!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Well my 180's hmmn...I am trying not to be detective on her...although I still check the cell phone bill to see who she has been calling..but i don't question who she is hanging out with... Last night she was supposed to come over to carve pumpkins and have dinner...she ended staying another day at her parents cabin and did not tell me until late after I had made dinner and cleaned like a madman and psyched myself up....she apologized and I forgave her instead of holding on to my anger but she is flaky...she will come by tonight with the girls and we will try again today...
detachment is hard I am not Buddhist but I remember a quote "Think of your death and bring your practice to its culmination" I think this can cut across to a lot of lines. It is amazing how long this 3 months have lasted..in the past time used to fly by...
well W came over with the girls but there was not much to gleen from it...when she first came over d11 and W fought about the weekend. I think W really enjoys her time off without the Kids...I want to bring the family back together and she is just playing teenager all over again...
have been comunication with W too much...even though the comunication is good we are just flat. I wish I knew what was going on in her mind...I need to go dark for a while...Unlike some of the other sitches we don't have the angry fighting past...we did fight but we still have a good relationship although if it comes down to D I don't think the relationship will be the same...
