I really believe the stress of a special needs child and a strong-willed teen contributed to our situation. My H was exhausted and depleted, along with some childhood issues he never really faced.
I had hidden behind him for years because I was depleted. In some ways, this has been one of the best things that's ever happened to me. The jury is out whether it will be the best thing for our family.
Anyway, H isn't himself, I see that. I'm slowly taking back my power.
I spent too much time begging, pleading and raging. I think it was all in an effort to keep him from becoming more entangled with the OW and doing more damage to our marriage/family. Ironically, I pushed him further away for about 8 months.
It's only been about a month of me tapering off the daily texts. The last two weeks have been the best I've done. I've stuck to facts in the last two weeks with one or two small goofs. I went 8 days without any texts, until Thursday when I had to send some information about our daughter. He called me which surprised the heck out of me. His norm has become not responding at all or only responding in a brief text unless prompted by his parents. I sounded OK in the phone call. Kept my calm, spoke in a calm gentle voice. I didn't attack or judge in any way. I did, however, tell him honestly that I spent $1,000 to fix our car, that we are having a Halloween party and that we were doing well-besides the situation with our daughter.
It means so much to hear from someone who has been there.
The OW is someone with a lot of issues. When I get caught up in the whole OW thing, I have a good friend who WAS good friends with the OW. She has reassured me that living with the OW would be NO PICNIC. This helps. I've only completely stepped out of the way for about two weeks, allowing him to fully "enjoy" his new woman. She is on disability for some mysterious emotional issues?
The crazy thing is...H absolutely bludgeoned me for the past 10 yrs and longer because I didn't earn enough, because he said I was "mentally ill," because I wasn't mature when it came to financially contributing to our family. My girlfriends and family are like, "He's with who? Seriously? On what planet does leaving you for someone waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy worse make sense?"
Sometimes I think he chose her because he knows he will be returning home at some point and she is relatively safe because no one in their right mind would want to spend a lifetime with this lady.
I guess it just shows how confused and distorted his thinking is. For today, I'm letting God handle it. It's getting easier. I'm getting busier on the weekends and have made a commitment to use this time for me.
Thanks again and I would love your continued support. Your situation gives me hope.
He told his mom, when he was 14, that he was going to marry me. I just hope he hasn't/won't get a tattoo. The OW is covered and that would be really hard to overlook.
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
