Keep breathing...

[mamabird]

Well, I wish there were a little more romance in this romance novel, but I'll give it some time!

Those of you who follow me know that at night my H and I spend some "cuddle time" - I usually rub his back and we watch TV. I ambled in around 9 and we watched The Girl on HBO (story of Alfred Hitchcock and Tippi Hedren). It is really nice to have the prolonged physical time, even if he's not reciprocating at this point. We are just being together and it is nice time.

Nothing too eventful. We both fell asleep during the movie at points. I asked him if he would be interested in ML in the morning and he seemed uncomfortable with the idea, so I said, "That's ok, I don't want to push you into something you're not ready for" and left it there.

Now it's morning and I have to go in to the bedroom to use the bathroom, check in, etc. I won't revisit the ML subject, he knows it's an option.

All in all, I'm feeling quite satisfied with our progress over the last 3 weeks. That's how long it's been since Denver told me "Love him" and it's working well. Eating dinner together and riding in the car together makes me feel like we are a family and gives me some hope. It's really a lot of progress in a short time, but now the other milestones that I have (him putting his ring on, us going to MC, him re-friending me on Alt) are a bit harder and may take more time.

Let's hope I don't blow it now. I keep telling myself that I have to work on being more calm, sweet and affectionate because that's what's working. That's the W that my H wants (and really, no one asks for a b!tch for a wife). I could see in his communications that he thinks I am a steamroller with my own agenda, which I certainly can be... and I can see why that would be unpleasant.

One more thing, I discussed the snooping with my IC. We agreed it wasn't a good idea to continue. First of all, it's hurtful to ME. Second of all, it doesn't foster trust with HIM. And thirdly, I have a lot of positive behavior and momentum to hang my hat on now, so I am trying to focus on that.

I don't know what our plans are today yet. I know he had reached out to POW a while ago and brought up this weekend as a possibility. He hasn't mentioned anything to me yet. Who knows, I've decided to just let that go because there's nothing I can do about it anyway.