to me, it appears you are too focused on what H is doing, feeling, thinking, etc. that will drive you crazy.
pull back. think and act as if you are fine and are moving on. if he doesn't pursue, he's not interested in being with you in the way you want him to be so it's for the best.

Just wanted to highlight this. Very true.

What kind of R do you want, Tumbling? Write it out.

Is he capable of giving you that?

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss