Have you read DR yet? If not you can read the first chapter here: First chapter
Everything you're feeling is very normal for where you are in this. Don't beat yourself up for that. Also you said something about not being good enough for him. Are you good enough for you should be the real question.
What do you want and need to change? Make a list and work on those things. Set some goals for yourself.
Read alot here and get the books recommended. Is there a library near you. Libraries often have events for kids, too.
Get out and be with friends. Invite friends over to your place. Take your kids fun places that don't cost anything. Parks, playgrounds, etc. Do you have a second-run movie theatre in your town? The one in my city even has a $2 day.
Check out meet-up groups online for activities you might like for yourself.
Focusing on what might be wrong with him only takes the focus off you and your kids. His stuff is his to deal with.
Become the best Lisa you can be. This is your chance to shine.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
