We went on an activity/class with S which we decided we would do the 3 of us once a week despite our situation. She was joking around, poking me and stuff like that. She got water in her face and asked if the makeup was a mess. I said no. She laughed and made a comment on how it probably was and I just didn't want other guys to look at her. I laughed and thought to myself it was a weird thing to say given the circumstance. She also seemed upset when 2 cute girls came and sat down close to us. Again, weird. I just shrugged it off as being her way of checking out where I was at in all of this.
I've kept contact to absolutely minimum. She sends messages sometimes asking how S is doing or stuff like that.
Today she picked him up. I told her that they changed the time of our "seperation" meeting, but as this was her initiative she would have to contact them herself, she seemed a bit upset. She is still distant, and now she doesn't even linger here, possibly OM is occupying her mind. No point in putting much thought to it though.
It's weird after being together since teenagers and then suddenly breaking off like this and keeping such distance between us, but that being said I feel I'm doing ok without her. Sometimes I even see a exciting future without her, and sometimes I don't and miss her. I feel like I've come to accept the break up 100%, but I'm constantly going back and forth in my head wether I want her back in my life or not.
I've notice that the more I detach, the easier it gets accepting that her actions in daily life is out of my reach and control. I feel the wheels slowly starting to turn the right direction...for me. Just a couple of weeks ago the feeling of despair was enormous.
It's sunday, and this evening I will try to make some goals for the coming week(s) and try to detach even in my head and not only in my actions.
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
